What do you do the day after you have walked down the aisle? Obviously you go and see the mighty Saints. Well you do if you are Mr and Mrs Westwood. To be expected really as the lovely Helen (nee Christmas) has been a serious fan for the last 16 years, following a long ago recommendation by Knocky (who else!?) that a pre-season friendly at Clarence Park against Tottenham, then Helen’s football team of choice, was the thing to keep Helen’s visiting German pen friend occupied. I don’t know how much the game did for Anglo-German relations but it certainly diverted Helen from the Spurs to the Saints. While Matt’s first allegiance maybe to a devilish northern team (Dear God I sound like a crossword clue) even he has been unable to resist the charms of St Albans City FC.
For the happy couple’s delectation and delight, this week Burnham Wood came to Dunsinane. Well ok they didn’t actually go to the theatre and really Burnham FC came to Clarence Park. (Let me assure you that no Scottish monarchs were harmed in the making of this slightly tortuous attempt to start a Shakespearean metaphor). Unlike the Scottish play the result didn’t quite go Burnham’s way with their players definitely not pulling up any trees (BOOMBOOM!)
Part of St Albans’s success was down to the performance of our new midfielder Peter Wales. There was a brief and quite short-sighted (literally) discussion about whether he was carrying a bit of timber. “No” came the reply, “just a whole nation.”
This high quality wit continued as it was declared officially that another of our recent additions, young Mr Sykes may as well forget his actual first name as he is permanently to be know from now on as Eric-or-Bill. If that wasn’t enough to prove our comedy terrace credentials the opposition’s goalkeeper gave us the perfect inspiration. Obviously by their constant proximity to the home fans the keepe is always going to suffer more than most away team players. BUT oh goodness. I am sorry to say that his excess timber and his VERY ill fitting kit left him looking like either he had been borrowed off the street to play in goal OR he’d borrowed the kit on the way to the game. And what really got me was because of this you couldn’t see his knees. He had NO knees visible to the human eye and after 2 quickly drunk pints of Stella that can worry a fox. I don’t know why but on a warm spring day I expect to see his knees…I don’t expect the shorts to be flapping somewhere mid-shin. It won’t come as a shock for you to learn that I felt duty bound to share these concerns with my fellow terrace occupiers. Ensuring for the rest of the game that the poor keeper had to put up with, “Show us your knees.”… mind you he has probably heard worse.
St Albans 5 Burnham 2
Raffle tickets purchased 10 Prizes won 0
Losing golden goal tickets purchased 2
Bacon fries consumed 1 packet
Cheese and onion cob 1
Lager consumed 2 pints Stella
Dodgy fruit cider consumed at half time 1 pint…the theory being you see that I promised I wouldn’t have more than two pints of Stella (ahem)
Thing I Learnt This Week
Sometimes Ron doesn’t wear a hat to football.
And hatless suits him….but the first time you EVER seem someone sans chapeau after all those months it does make you do a double take.