“There is NO such thing,” according to Mr TLF.
He isn’t of course denying the existence of the BCB. Any fule know that there is much culinary delight to be gained from placing a serious slice of your favourite blue cheese at the summit of your burger of choice (personally not so sure it would enhance a veggie burger quite like it does your prime beef, but I like to be an inclusive TLF where possible).
The finest BCB for me was produced by a slightly disreputable looking burger shop in Lesta, called TJ’s, conveniently located across the road from the car park of choice when visiting the once hallowed turf that was Filbert Street from my old home of Brum. The toppings seemed exotic back then – in the days of course when burgers were still filed under ‘junk food’ rather than ‘posh’ or ‘gourmet’ or ‘over-priced’. Mind you this is of course many moons ago, when beards were not cool, Dalston was not a cultural epicentre and hipsters were a pair of trousers.
The standard toppings (lettuce, cucumber etc etc) that accompanied this smorgasbord of artery-furring delight were generous, thus ensuring that by about the third bite you were clutching a rapidly disintegrating bun, with your now melted exotic topping running down your wrists while all the time you were wishing that you had either taken more than one complimentary (‘my you are looking nice this evening’) paper napkin or else packed a bib….preferably one of those hard plastic ones with the trough to catch wayward bits of food….ahh happy days.
Where was I? Oh yes, the ASG (anti-superstition grinch…like the BFG but not as friendly, large or such a best seller) is questioning the slice of luck that sat atop the blue cheese that sat atop the burger. He is a fule; just as the ‘lucky 7 steps on the low brick wall by the dodgy looking houses’ contributed to the greatness of the Martin O’Neil era so too did the consumption of the pre-match lucky blue cheese burger (by me not the team). Last minute equalisers and winners against far better opposition were not just down to the determination and skill of O’Neill’s Lesta; noooo the LBCB played its part. And before you all side with the Doubting Mr TLF, let me tell you that our ignominious slide into League One, was accompanied by the closure of the legendary TJ’s…I’m just saying.
The LBCB has of course been put to bed since then; I am more mature, more sanguine about all this. There are lucky bacon fries, lucky bobble hats and lucky polo shirts these days. There is also TLF’s golden rule – do not bet on your own team. You will jinx them and be doubly miffed as you witness not just defeat but also a small financial inconvenience. The special UN resolution that accompanies this golden rule is, ‘not on MY team either.’
Mr TLF of course, bearing in mind his attitude to lucky comestibles is full of snorting derision for TLF’s golden rule. Last Satday Mr TLF was in rule-breaking mood. Outraged that he had missed out on the generous odds when Lesta beat Spurs in the League (but of course if we had taken those odds Lesta wouldn’t have won – simples), he insisted on a double – his team and mine.
‘Nooooooo’, quoth TLF.
‘Yes!’ Quoth Mr TLF, “Because it won’t make any difference to the result. BECAUSE. THERE. IS. NO. SUCH. THING. AS. A. LUCKY. BLUE. CHEESE. BURGER.”
In the interests of domestic harmony I agreed to place his bet.
In an attempt to look like a supportive partner not some superstitious loon, I thought I would also show a little faith and contribute something towards the stake….And here are the classified results:
Newcastle 2 West Ham 1
Aston Villa 1 Leicester City 1
And before you think that maybe it’s because TLF joined in with the bet and that is the problem…..Lesta played Spurs on Wednesday – FA Cup replay. We lost 2-0. Guess what Mr TLF shoved into my little paw on Thursday morning…..