Lear of the Rovers

The second weekend of being a FFZ (football free zone) arrives. A double tragedy as it coincides with King Lear (BOOM!) This lack of football is starting to addle the TLF little grey cells or else it was a very odd production…

King Lear, multi-billionaire owner of WSFC (William Shakespeare Football Club) decides to abdicate and divide ownership of his club between his three daughters. When the youngest, Cordelia, refuses to make a public declaration of her love for those live betting adverts of which ITV and SKY are so fond (especially the Ray Winstone ones), she is disinherited and married to Claudio Ranieri without a dowry. The veteran kit man , Eddie Kent defends her and is banished to the Sunday League. The two elder daughters, Goneril and Regan, inherit the club.

Long term but overly superstitious team coach, Gloucester, deceived by his record breaking summer signing, prima donna Edmundio, disinherits his home-grown and loyal club captain Edgar, who is forced to go into hiding to save his life. Lear, now stripped of his power, quarrels with Goneril and Regan about the club’s league position and the conditions of his corporate box and standards of hospitality offered to him and his entourage. In a rage, he goes out into the stormy night, accompanied by his Fool and Kent, now disguised as a St John’s ambulance volunteer. They encounter Edgar, disguised as an escaped club mascot. Gloucester goes to help Lear but is betrayed by Edmundio and captured by Regan and her husband, who as a punishment, put out his eyes. And then as if that wasn’t enough, dress him in Hemel kit.

Lear is taken secretly to the non-league ground of Dover City, where Cordelia has landed with a Blue Army. The blind Gloucester meets – but doesn’t recognise – Edgar, who leads him to Dover. Lear and Cordelia are reconciled but in the ensuing cup tie, are arrested by the sisters’s forces for public disorder acts.

Goneril and Regan are in love with Edmundio, who encourages them both. Discovering this Goneril’s husband forces Edmundio to defend himself against the charge of a failed drugs test. A disguised Edgar arrives to challenge Edmundio to a game of keepy-uppy and after spanking thr backside of his fancy-smancy ‘they-come-over-here’ opponent, reveals himself. Before killing himself for the shame of being beaten by a limited but full of heart English professional, Edmundio reveals that he has ordered a lifetime stadium and travel ban for Lear and Cordelia. He attempts to reprieve the order but it is too late. They are forever condemned to watch Celebrity Big Brother.

PLP Possibly losing the plot (BOOM!) Fox

This entry was posted in Football deprived, Very random. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Lear of the Rovers

  1. Colin Brookes says:

    At last, the definitive interpretation. Brilliant!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *