The Importance of Being Earnest

I like to think that the Worthing manager did his best Lady Bracknell impression in the changing rooms after the game against St Albans. I don’t mean he indulged in a bit of cross dressing – although if he wants to that’s none of TLF’s business. Rather he looked at his players and informed them that,”to lose by one goal Mr Worthings, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose by six looks like carelessness.”

Of course he probably didn’t. He may well not be wild about Wilde (BOOMBOOM!) and also after a bit of a spanking from a team admittedly one league above you, theatrical related badinage is probably not top of your average manager’s to do list. And also he only had only player in his squad called Jack so that would have made the whole you-play-for-Worthing-and-that’s-one-of-the-characters-in-the-play riff a bit thin. Expect of course for all we know they all do pretend to be called Ernest when they come up to the City, just like the play. And before you think that is like a thin thing on a thin day singing “I’m so very thin “, it should also be noted that the denouement of said play does take place in Hertfordshire so it is almost all falling into place now. Well in my special TLF head at least.

But if the Worthing manager wasn’t Lady Bracknell then who was? Ray was in with a shout. His reaction to the reflection by TLF and Julie that Ian Rogers would be the ideal practical person to be stuck on a desert island with contained suitable levels of derision…anyone would have thought we had just owned up to being left in a handbag at a left luggage department at a railway terminus. We were merely noting that Ian’s addition of a small torch to his evening match apparel was a wise one as you can’t see nuffink in the inner sanctum that is the away turnstiles. Ray however has experienced Ian pre-torch days and a short and witty anecdote ensured regarding the search for a lost set of car keys late at night illuminated by the headlights of Ray’s daughter’s car…The story was of course told with typically Clarence Park bonhomie, wit and affection which isn’t quite Lady B’s thang. Although such is her lack of faith in the male gender that she may well have been nodding in approval at Ray’s exhortations to a St Albans side, 4-0 up, to “Not throw it away now.”

They didn’t of course and the gaffer’s (FA) Cup did therefore runneth over and on his birthday too. He was greeted in the clubhouse by a relatively tuneful rendition of Happy Birthday which went down well. He was also greeted by an earnest looking ex-player who had decided during the summer to depart the finery of Clarence Park for a Tudor shilling. Whether his appearance was a welcome birthday gift or not remains to be seen.

While I think the gaffer probably has an encyclopaedia of put downs, TLF is too scared to suggest there is anything remotely Bracknellesque about Ian Allison. Instead my final nominee must be Gary if only for his response to the TLF post-match beverage of choice. “A half! To order or at any rate drink a half, whether it was Stella or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.” Well it sounded a bit like that and in any case I’d rather drink half a Stella than be found in a handbag.

“A Handbag!?”
Repeat ad nauseam

Oscar Fox

Match stats
St Albans City 6 Worthing 0
Attendance: 678
Snackage: Quavers. WTF!? It’s all gone a bit cheesy on the deep fried snack front. Suitable customer feedback was shared. Also some pretty good chips. My one-TLF boycott of the new snack wagon could only last so long – stomach will always win the war of attrition against principles.
Alcohol consumption: Two bottles of the German stuff and a yes. Alright. A half of Stella
Countless unwise purchases of raffle and goalden goal tickets.

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