No not the bespectacled Thunderbird
Nor Wales’s biggest brewer and hospitality company.
Noooo, TLF is talking the little grey cells, the old cerebrum, or, in a nod to Mr TLF’s roots, the watch and chain.
That essential matter between the ears, which when used correctly can ensure both a sneaky bank holiday football trip AND domestic brownie points as you eschew (BOOM!) a home game for some quality time a deux. Technically all hope of football attendance had long been abandoned, as the TLFs were off to Dorset, but there was a late postponement by Mr TLF who had concluded that spending hours in traffic jams there and back would not constitute bank holiday ‘fun’.
“Agreed, “ said TLF. “We could do [insert relationship-affirming bank holiday activities of choice here] and then [sotto voce] I could go to football on Monday.” Mr TLF has of course come across these tactics before and queries whether this proposal represents a bank holiday infringement. TLF’s brainpower of course is now working overtime, and counters with the, “well if we had gone away we would have been just sitting in a traffic jam on the M25 on Monday afternoon so technically it would have been dead time anyway.” You can’t argue with TLF logic like that.
“Besides, it’s Braintree. It’s a no brainer.” It’s a low blow but a bad pun, in TLF’s experience, usually wins the day.
So an away day pass has been granted, now just to sort the travel. But possibly not on the train, the three and a half hour journey (each way), with four changes, not being the most attractive excursion that TLF has ever contemplated. Fortunately there is a knight in shining armour or rather Davy Mac, with his seven seater.
And so on a sunny day TLF joins her traveling companies (aforementioned driver, HatBoy, Knocky, Duncan and Colin) for a cross country trip to the Amlin Stadium, home to Braintree Town FC.
Before we are even at the end of TLF’s street the TLF brain has to engage in some serious activity. In a brief tussle the neocortex (employing a ‘it’s a skool nite you don’t drink on a skool nite formation) is rapidly overcome by the limbic brain (“the lager HatBoy is proffering is ice cold, it’s a holiday and refusal often offends” tactic is always superior). And that way the TLF Willpower Cup is won.
Braintree is not what you call a pretty ground, and their clubhouse is not one of the flashest TLF’s paws have ever stepped foot in (‘eh?) but the sun was out, there was draft Stella, bacon fries, the bar staff were plentiful and friendly and ¾ of the Saintettes in attendance, and. In fact the only snag was the slightly disappointing performance and the end of the Mighty Saints’ unbeaten record this season came to an inglorious end; although apt that the Braintree goal was from a header.
The final intellectual challenge of the day relates to the attendance figure, which we are told is 706, something that the sun kissed Saints fans are not buying. In the interests of accuracy, TLF employs the neo-cortex in some good old fashion counting. Looks like about 480 to TLF; unless there were 226 hiding in the clubhouse.
TLFs Good at counting. Pants at willpower.
Braintree Town Saints 0
Official attendance: 706 (HA!)
Refreshments: 1 Carling (can), 2.5 Stellas, bacon fries and a bacon cob.
Unsuccessful sporting investments: £1