Numbers game

Posted on February 18, 2022 by Sophie

You can’t beat a good start to a match day. A little bit of attention for the TLF barnet, some successful retail therapy and a quiet lunch at the Courtyard Cafe. All followed by a couple of pre-match beers, some good chat and a golden goal ticket from Trevor. The 66th minute is not renowned for being a winner but it’s the thought that counts and you’ve got to be in it to win it.

Unlike St Albans who slumped to a disappointing defeat against Braintree, with dare I say it, an insipid performance.

TLF stomped home with a classy kebab dinner for Mr TLF. And then the doubt set in. Did that golden goal ticket get checked? No; so busy was TLF being VERY grumpy about conceding.

A rapid social media check. The goal was scored in the 65th minute. A weirdly relieved TLF; it would normally have been a huge disappointment – 1 minute out. But winning and not claiming the spoils and getting to bask in the golden goal glory; that would have been worse.

Every cloud and all that.

Small consolation Fox

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Much Ado About Nothing

Posted on February 13, 2022 by Sophie

Literally. Nothing.
4 February and TLFs had a date with Mr W Shakespeare and Much Ado About Nothing. Not TLF’s favourite play but it has a unique place in TLF’s heart as it’s the first Shakespeare TLF ever saw at the tender age of 6 or 7, which is more decades ago than TLF cares to remember. When dinosaurs ruled the earth, there were Benson & Hedges adverts in the programme and a seat in the stalls cost less than a tenner.

But with a degree of predictability, Covid hits the rehearsing cast and the play isn’t ready for its first night preview. What can you do?

Keep calm, and carry on with your trip to Stratford, so you can still have a meal with the Parentals and avoid your hotel room going to waste……that actually TLF hadn’t booked at all. Fortunately there was room at the inn. Otherwise there would most certainly have been a do about something.

Beatrice Fox

Memorabilia!

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Part-time operator

Posted on February 13, 2022 by Sophie

29 January.
Slough Town are in town, so to speak.
TLF’s plan was to adopt a relaxed and abstemious approach to the day. No turnstile duties, no rush. A late departure from TLF Towers, a quick lurk around the city centre and arrive just in time to fit in a single beer before kick off (that’s abstemious in TLF’s book) with no demands or pressures.

Lesson of the day. Don’t lurk around the turnstile hut talking to your turnstile operating football bestie, because if there is a surge you’ll be asked to help out. A reinforcement turnstile operator, sans turnstile. The only thing between punters and the open side gate was TLF.

Not a problem, TLF just needs to get in touch with her inner Gandalf at the bridge of Khazad Dum a la “You shall not pass!” Although TLF is not for a minute suggesting any of those attending the fixture, resemble the Balrog.

Except it is a problem, because TLF does not have a staff or any wizard magic. She has a portable scanner. Which isn’t working.

So TLF employs what some of you may have heard of. We call them E-Y-E-S. And if you use them to look at a QR code on a phone, and check the game that it relates to, on phone or printed paper, through the imaginary turnstile the punter may go accompanied by additional technology related badinage and banter.

The surge is over quickly and TLF is off the hook and steps AWAY from the turnstile hut. A less than inspiring 1-0 win follows. But TLF will take that. Unlike the bloody portable scanner.

Technophobe Fox

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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Posted on February 2, 2022 by Sophie

Or when you have got to miss the fitba because you are required to self-isolate ahead of a minor operation, make roast spuds to go with your three bird roast.

Yep there was no trip to Clarence Park for the Maidstone game that weekend. It was domestic bliss by default with fancy lunch, centred round a bird in a bird in a bird.

And before you think we have gone all fancy got ideas above our station Chez TLF. It was a three bird roast from Lidl. And it was blooming marvellous.

For us that is.
Not the guinea fowl.
Or the duck.
Or the goose.

Not very Veganuary Fox

Yummy

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Turning on the stile

Posted on January 31, 2022 by Sophie

These days, with everything being hi-tech, turnstile duties are easy. There’s no coins or notes and a lot less maths in your head. And any fule kno that TLFs do words not numbers.

But easy though it is, there is general consensus that as it is her turnstile debut, TLF probably isn’t yet ready to don her big gown up turnstile operator pants and wield the card machine. Stick to the nursery slopes of scanning QR codes be they on paper or phones.

The debutant is confident, what could possibly go wrong? And it is very quiet. Julie goes to the shop, Michael goes to the loo.

Punters arrive.
With cards.

TLF carpe diems and by some act of God/no small stroke of luck, they get charged the right amount, the system doesn’t implode and all is well. Piece of cake…apart from when they need discounts and there’s more than one of them. Those I really do leave to the more experienced members of the squad.

Just as the young apprentice feels she can relax, there’s a bit more to learn. You see if you are operating the York Road, right hand turnstile (as you face the incoming hordes), the turnstile gate opens via a small but firm shove from punter. But if you are allocated to the left hand side turnstile (as you face the incoming hordes), you need to operate a pedal, PLUS the punter needs to give the gate a big and solid shove if they want to enter t’Park.

That feels like a lot for a TLF to remember…Greet punter, wave scanner at QR code, ask them to hold QR code closer/further away, give pedal good stomp and state, “give it a good shove…and enjoy the game.”

You have to get there early for this kind of duty and yet two hours flies by. In general people are friendly and chatty. We even get a well deserved beer delivered to us (Thanks Tom and Rachel!).

The downside of course is you cannot down tools/card machines at kick off. You stay to let in the stragglers and the people who clearly think kick off is at 3.30pm. That does live you with limited visibility of the pitch for part of the first half.

But to be honest, when your team loses 3-0 in the FA Trophy to visitors from the League below, it’s a shame we couldn’t look after those turnstiles for the full 90 minutes.

Scanning Fox

Master & apprentice

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You can lead an FA Cup blog to water….

Posted on January 26, 2022 by Sophie

But if you just save it in word and don’t do anything with it, it won’t get published….Ooops. Here we are

Last Satday was a weekend for investing in domestic harmony Chez TLF. If you think that the BPB (brownie point bank) is heavily in the black, you haven’t seen TLF’s diary for July when the Women’s European Championships will be hosted by Blighty.

And so…..
There was NO away trip to Welling
There was NO trip to Filbert Way to see the holders of the FA Cup (never thought would type that!) take on Watford
BUT there could be some footballing distraction, as it was the 3rd round of the FA Cup when the ‘big’ teams join the competition.
Cup upset opportunities!
Investment opportunities! Well usage of the jointly owned SkyBet App at any rate.

We chose some likely fixtures, based on injuries and form. We were not stupid, we were not profligate. But we did not bet on Cambridge to beat Newcastle, or Kidderminster to beat Reading, or Borehamwood to beat Wimbledon (OBVIOUSLY!). Nor did we bet that Lesta City hadn’t paid the electricity bill and it would all go dark as we beat Watford.

By close of play the TLF account was no longer in modest three figures. For the first time in months. Irritating. And what made it worse? Having to rely on the currently quite good, which is pretty annoying West Ham team to get us back to winning ways and get us above the magic £99.99.

Which they did.
Yippee.
No, honestly I was really pleased.

Not-that-grateful Fox

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So foul and fair a day I have not seen

Posted on January 8, 2022 by Sophie

You can always rely on the Bard.
It’s almost like he was at the home game against THS (The Hemel Scum for those of you wot have forgot).

The Mighty Saints lost 3-0.
It chucked it down in the second half.
BUT
There was good company and chat.
We made the official photo.
And TLF was winner of the ‘highest beer at Clarence Park’ competition.
Macbeth Fox

Pre match cheerfulness and bonhomie captured by club photographer

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Bumper Book of Blogs

Posted on January 3, 2022 by Sophie

Festivities and new year always an excuse for a bumper book of something or other and a bit of reflection. Or in TLF’s case a chance for a big FAT catch up. IT problems, a lot of work and a bad back (which puts you off sitting in front of a computer let me tell you) meant TLF sort of faded for the last quarter of 2021. But the ramblings were always in my head. Or scribbled on scraps of paper, so let’s get them down and start again…in reverse order.

Foxtography or a Boxing Day defeat
Another festive morning and another morning after the night before where Lesta scored 3 and still lost.
But lo what natural history marvel is this in the front garden?
Two bold foxes disputing who owns the turf. Or possibly a dispute between the ‘Rogers out!’ and ‘In Brendan we trust’ camps.
Either way TLF’s photography skills proved to be on a par with Lesta’s ability to defend a set piece.

No, honestly, two foxes in our front garden

David Bailey Fox

Happy Thursday before Christmas
5.15 am Break the cold tap in the bathroom
6.00am Lovely swim
7.15am A Sainsbury’s triumph as TLF completes the Xmas food shopping including new washing up bowl and bread sauce mix as requested by Mr TLF
8.00am New washing up bowl falls out of car in graceful arc and lands on its top corner. Chipped but still functional
8.15am Realise have not purchased bread sauce mix but cheese sauce mix
8.45am Mr TLF informs TLF that the new (and chipped but still functional) washing up bowl doesn’t actually fit in the kitchen sink
8.46am TLF kicks washing up bowl round house and garden. Very chipped and no longer functional

PS. There was a happy ending. Mr TLF went to town and got a washing up bowl. And there was bread sauce for Xmas lunch.

Wrong


Right

The Grinch Fox

Curing the FA Cup Blues
A damp and dreary Satday at Clarence Park against Hampton & Richmond. The game is underwhelming, but the company is excellent, the Red Peroni is delicious and the three goals for the Mighty Saints are all crackers. Come on You Saints!

Worldie Fox

Borehamwood Blues
There are usually two bonuses for a 2nd round PROPER FA Cup tie. You can really start to dream about that Premier League team you will draw in the third round plus there is of course the game itself; an epic away day at a ground never before visited. Or a trip to local, loathed (when we can be bothered) rivals, Boreham Wood, two stops away on a Thameslink slow train.

Still on the bright side, we are on telly again, and a first – Mr TLF at an away fixture – truly the magic of the Cup!

We were at capacity magic pre-match with drinks in The Crown, that long and tedious train journey and a swagger down the high street clutching our tinnies like the middle aged, middle class little hoolies we are.

After the excitement that goes with joining our fellow supporters in a packed away end, the magic slowly starts to seep away. Our opponents score, we gain some control of the game, but don’t score. Magic levels plummet in the half time queue for the 2 (TWO) portaloos in our part of the ground and the following 3 Boring Wood goals without reply don’t help. Moral superiority was however retained as the St Albans massive do not respond to the goading of the Wood’s ragtag pitch invaders.

Pre match warm up

TLF x 2!

Any pasta in a storm
Lesta were limping along in the Premiership, underwhelming in the Europa League, without a clean sheet in the League since August and with a manager refusing to acknowledge defensive frailties. Add to that a depleted brownie point bank after the annual Green Room Committee weekend away and TLF only had one option…when life gives you lemons, make lucky lasagne (last seen on FA Cup Final day)

Outcome?
Lesta 4 Watford 2
Brownie Point account back in the black

Lucky lasagne (part 2)

Chef Fox

Away from home
Best place to be when your team are losing 3-0 to Chelsea? Any cottage with a hot tub, in a pretty rural location, accompanied by copious quantities of wine, snackage and in the company of the legendary Green Room Committee. Our tenth trip in 11 years and as ever a belter.

Foxes!

Herefordshire (for one weekend only) Fox

Swings and McTell Roundabouts
It doesn’t get much bigger than this…..
First round PROPER of the FA Cup.
The Mighty Saints hosting a league team.
And on the BBC!!!!!

What could be better?
Well TLF wouldn’t have been double booked for a start. And in a nutshell that’s the problem when your fixture gets moved for the telly (not something we have to put up with often in the Conference South), and that gig you agreed to go to when Mr TLF asked, because you didn’t have anything else planned, has suddenly become a big, fat and unhelpful commitment.

“Important band was it?”, TLF hears you ask. No it was a Steely Dan tribute ban. STOP LAUGHING.

Thing is when TLF makes a commitment, she can’t dump it if something better comes along. So off TLF sulked to Putney. At least the game could be watched on the iPhone once we were sitting down for some pre-gig food and no doubt TLF’s ‘oohs and ahhs’, and teary celebrations caused some entertainment, if not a little consternation for fellow diners and confused waiter who turns out was not that au fait with the Mighty Saints.

Still the victory was bittersweet – what a match! What emotion! And TLF wasn’t there.
But wait, what silver lining was this? Yes the band were actually pretty good and the company was excellent. BUT better than that when TLF sneaked out for a cheeky half after the interval, there was folk legend Ralph McTell, having a Sunday evening pint. TLF didn’t tell him her footballing tale of woe…maybe that was why he was so nice and up for natter.

Ralph! Tolerant folk legend


Half Moon Fox

The Homecoming
No not a two act play by Harold Pinter, written in 1964 and first published in 1965.
Rather TLF’s first home game in a very long time as Lesta hosted Arsenal in a lunch time kick off.

The play is described as ‘highly ambiguous, enigmatic and for some cryptic.’

There was nothing ambiguous about TLF’s day. A monsoon accompanies her up the M1. The ground is now serving draft San Miguel – enigmatic lager? It is a joy to see friends not seen in far too long but the players’ poor performance is evident, unambiguous and obvious (feel free to insert any other antonyms for ‘cryptic’ that take your fancy).

TLF can only assume that they did it to make me feel better about missing so much live football.

Harold Fox

International weekend of the cheeseburger or England women v N Ireland women
Some came to worship the Lionesses, some the team from across the Irish Sea. But one came from a Roman City in search of a Wemberlee cheeseburger. For it is written in lore that at football matches, festivals, car boot sales and other outdoor activities, Mr TLF must eat a cheeseburger.

Like big cats, we stalked the concourse, seeking out our prey, resolving to eschew (BOOM!) the fast food offerings of pasties, hot dogs, heritage sausages in a bun, chicken burgers, & chicken and chips. Every nook and cranny was explored but not a cheeseburger in sight and so lesser morsels were consumed.

Disappointment was palpable and not eased by a slightly soggy Ingurland attack and an inspired performance by Ireland’s goalie. Still things could only improve.

But half time took the biscuit, or rather the burger… as the woman next to TLF returned to her seat with yes, a cheeseburger. What alchemy was this!? How had we missed the burger stand or did they only cook them once the pasties sold out? Whyyyyyyyyy?

TLF has experienced Wemberlee disappointment in her time. Being a fan of Lesta and Ingurland, it is inevitable but I don’t think I have ever witnessed footballing disappointment of a burger kind. Ingurland scored a handful of goals without reply in the second half, but it was too late for Mr TLF – he was really cheesed off (BOOMBOOM!)

This is NOT a cheeseburger. This is ill-advised chicken and chips


Hero! (her not me)


Cheesy Fox

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Catching up

Posted on October 26, 2021 by Sophie

Don’t you love a list?
TLF does. Especially a list of things to do on holiday. Apart from drink a lot, lie in and visit people, you’ve got to have a few domestic tasks. Because when you cross them out you feel GREAT. And when you ignore them you feel GREAT, because you are on holiday so there are no rules. But when the only task left is ‘catch up with blog’ and you wrote the list two weeks ago you have to accept it might be time to stop the procrastination.

So rewind. To the 3rd qualifying round of the FA Cup…..And a rainy day in East Molesey London. Actually that’s an understatement, a monsoon of a day; watching the detectives. Well at any rate Metropolitan Police FC, whose endeavours (see what TLF did there?), meant a 0-0 draw. We squelched back to St Albans, damp feet but a few pints of Stella to the good and the happy glow of an afternoon spent in good company as ever.

Tuesday night replay at Clarence Park, and fortunately no rain, but perhaps there was a touch of frost in the air? No actually it was quite mild – weather wise maybe but the Saints were certainly full of (new) tricks and looked up for taking a step closer to the First Round PROPER.

It’s not only the police that are getting younger when you reach TLF’s ripe old vintage. It’s also a good percentage of the behind-the-goal-Clarence Park massive, and what they may lack in chanting originality (and occasionally a bit too near the knuckle ‘banter’) they make up for in youthful exuberance and volume. We do of course remain a broad church (BOOM!) at Clarence Park and good to catch up with some folk that TLF had not seen for a long while.

Back on the pitch the Saints were never in danger of being caught by the fuzz and a winnable looking tie in the 4th qualifying round was safely booked.

Evenin’ All

Dixon of Fox Green

A grey FA Cup Day

A Guide to the Brownie Point Bank

The brownie point bank (BPB) always needs the occasional top up. You never know when a TLF might need to dip into that vast credit to sneak in an unplanned FA Cup replay, a petit trip to France with football bestie or indeed an epic road trip in 2022 for the women’s Euros (sometimes the BPB also benefits from a little advance notice to lay the foundations for an epic withdrawal of credit).

One sure fire way to garner some BPs is to turn down an away trip with the prioritising instead a day with Mr TLF…..
And the neighbours
And some wine
And charcuterie
More brownie points would probably have been available if TLF hadn’t been quite so triumphant in front of the dart board.

All the major food groups


Governor Fox of the Bank of Brownie Points

Westward Ho!

TLF time off work is not complete without a trip to the friends in Dorset. That’s right the anti-football friends in Dorset. It was the usual opportunity to unwind, take in the countryside, & sea air, hang out with good people and also WATCH some football. Yep, finally after umpteen visits coinciding with postponed home games and away fixtures, TLF had a date with Bridport Town FC of the Western Premier League, accompanied (under some protest) by Mr TLF.

This really was non-league. You might almost want to call it non-non league. £6 to get in, no security or stewards and raffle tickets at the unheard of bargain price of 50p A STRIP (although that might explain why 3rd prize was a four pack of Skol lager…)

But they did have a tidy club house with bench seating pitch side, San Miguel on draft and the sun was shining.

There was also the chance of seeing a few goals as a bit of pre-match research revealed that the Bees, as Bridport are known were really not buzzing in the 21/22 season; bottom of the league with stats that read:

P:14
L:13
W:1
Goal difference: -54

…and they were facing Tiverton, second in the league, having lost 3 games all season. Known as the Lambs you got the sense that they were probably not about to be silenced (BOOM!).

While your average Bridport fan seems to have adopted gallows humour in response to their team’s current predicament, he team seemed to prefer SHOUTING at each other and generally ignoring what any other team mate SHOUTED at you. A personal favourite was the Bridport keeper, ahead of a Tiverton free kick;

“Four! Four! Four!” He yells as he tries to organise the wall. But the wall steadfastly remains made up of three team mates. The free kick sails harmlessly over the crossbar but the keeper cannot let it go;

“We discussed this beforehand! Who’s four?!” He yells. No one owns up.

Remarkably Bridport go in 0-0 at half time. Maybe they can hold on for a point? Perhaps the TLFs are lucky mascots?
Or not.

In the second half Bridport run out of steam and concede 7 (SEVEN), with no reply. But we can tick off another ground, a long time dream of TLF’s to see Bridport FC and as you can see Mr TLF was on the edge of his bench.

Engrossed in the game

Holiday Fox

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A lost weekend in September – nothing to see here

Posted on October 4, 2021 by Sophie

No. Really.

Nothing.
Rien.
Zip.
Zilch.
Nowt.

No petrol = no kultural strip to Stratford = no rambly riff on a Shakespearean plot and the beautiful game.

And not even a photo of a closed petrol station to illustrate the point, as ongoing IT incompetence yet again prevents inserting a photo into blog.

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