Il ventre a la maison

The Magic Poulet is full of it.
Won’t stop belting out “Un coq sur une chemise,” that well known football anthem as performed by Les grains de foudre. While TLF would argue that something does get lost in translation, the victors do deserve all the spoils and so sing on my silver feathered friend.

The final was I think a suitable end to a tournament that when it wasn’t being top notch was generally being a bit bonkers. A penalty, some VAR grumbling, an own goal and (perhaps) the coming of age of the superstars of the future not those of the present.
As ever my blog has sometimes been a labour of love, a particularly unplanned labour of love on this occasion so while there might not have been quite as many researched bon mots and little written trinkets, I think we got away with it. And let’s face it TLF would have looked a bit daft going to Russia and not being able to bore you lot about it.

Like many sporting events before it, Russia 2018 proved the doom and gloom merchants wrong. No one (I hope) is naïve enough to think that on the basis of the last four weeks Russia is a utopia for human rights, freedom of expression and a tolerance of people who can’t speak your language, but it has been lovely to see and hear so many great stories about the welcome that people received. Although I probably wouldn’t recommend a flag strewn p!ss up in Red Square any time soon.

TLF has had a blast and felt a bit bereft once it all slowed down, nevermind when it all finished off on Sunday; time to take down the wall chart and relinquish the remote control. Fortunately, the domestic season comes shortly to the rescue. Saints and Lesta fixtures are in the diary and attention has already turned to how I justify a few away trips. I was just thinking I might say, “None of them are as far as Moscow.” But before all that, here is TLF’s Ten Favourite 2018 things:
1. Germany going out in the group stages in such dramatic fashion.
2. Profiting from unsporting behaviour. Who said cheats never (indirectly) prosper? Thanks Colombia for my sweepstake £20.
3. Spain v Portugal. In a hotel room in Stratford, TLF was buzzing.
4. That winning Belgium goal against Japan.
5. England. Penalties. Enough said.
6. Visit from my old mucker Iain; on the settee, watching the footy with more double entendres than is good for anyone. Made me feel about 16 years younger.
7. Going to the semi-final. A bit obvious, but honestly I still shake my head at the lunacy of it all.
8. The way the tournament gets everyone buzzing – especially the people who don’t usually pay any attention to football. Thought my phone would melt after that Last 16 game.
9. Moscow Mules
10. Can I have Germany again?
Do svidaniya you lovely people
Потерянная лиса

Do svidaniya you lovely people
Потерянная лиса

Championes!!

Championes!!

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Il ventre a la maison

Lastminute.Fox

After a couple of glasses of perfectly chilled white wine at an Arts Festival on Sunday, (oh yes I can do posh during a football tournament) I half-jokingly said to my companions that I might try and make it to the world Cup semi-final.

I really should learn to not listen to myself.

Three hours, rather a lot of swearing and furious mouse clicking later, TLF was furnished with a match ticket and a Fan Visa. It was the small matter of transport that wouldn’t involve 3 not possible days off work that seemed to be missing.

TLF’s only hope was one of the companies which, for the equivalent of the GDP of a developing nation, will fly you to an international footballing destination and back in 24 hours.
On Monday afternoon they came up with the goods and TLF was a mouse click away from the trip of a lifetime, bankruptcy and a slightly despairing Mr TLF.
“Click here to confirm booking”
GULP
Click
DOUBLE GULP
“Confirmed”
TRIPLE GULP
“Eff me, I’m going to the World Cup!!!!”

Forty eight hours later I was in a Moscow based Japanese restaurant, eating pizza and random deep fried snacks, in the company of some lovely people. One of whom asked me, “St Albans City! Do you know Lee Wood ?” You can take TLF out of St Albans but you can’t take St Albans out of TLF.

I’ll be honest I felt a bit of a fraud. Surrounded by people who have been following Ingurland for years and had seen most if not all of their Russia matches. But there was no war story snobbery here; we were in it together and a lone female following football in a foreign country seems to bring out the protective nature in any football fan.

And before you know it, well after the collection of my official fan ID, quite a lot of security checks and a few more beers the TLF had landed. Stood in the Luznikhi Stadium, pinching myself and slightly bewildered that I was really there. And ohhhhhhhh that opening goal. Beers were flung, strangers were hugged and ‘f@cking yes!” were the only words in my vocabulary for a good five minutes.

You all know how it panned out; missed chances in the first half, where I pummelled the shoulder of the man giant stood next to me in frustration. He was amused and as his arm felt like a block of iron, was I imagine undamaged. And then a Croatian revival in the second, which shows that our young, fearless and endearing team has more to learn.

Of course I was heartbroken, but was it worth it? Course it bloody was. When I wasn’t yawning on Thursday (we landed at 7.30am and it was straight off to work via a lift with one of my new footballing chums) I was smiling. The silliest, most expensive, brilliant thing I have ever done. I am a lucky TLF – lucky that Mr TLF just rolls his eyes and puts up with, lucky that I was in the position to have some savings to blow on the trip, lucky I have colleagues to cover for me and lucky that my boss is tolerant of my football obsession.

The weekend means a third place play-off and a final. I confess I cannot get excited about the former; even when Lord Gareth of Southgate plans to treat it with respect. Another England B v Belgium B per chance? Or will Kane and Lukaku want to try and battle it out for the golden boot? In the interests of domestic harmony TLF will be reacquainting herself with kulture, in an effort to ingratiate myself with Mr TLF. The game will be watched on catch up…

The final? TLF is torn; the lucky chicken will be going all out for Les Bleus and I do have the shirt. But a new name on the trophy might be a nice thing. Do you know what? I might just sit back, enjoy it and not worry about the result. Scary to think that we are almost done. Eke out that world cup feeling while you can.

Forever grateful Fox

Mr TLF calls this clutter.  TLF calls it memorabilia.

Mr TLF calls this clutter.
TLF calls it memorabilia.

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Lastminute.Fox

Came home

In the interests of balancing the commitment of a daily blog with the shredded mind of someone in their late forties who after being awake for 29 hours, got off the plane and went to work, just to say:
It was amazing.
More tomorrow.
VKF (Very Knackered Fox)

Cry God for Harry, England and St George

Cry God for Harry, England and St George

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Came home

Away Day

Dear Mr TLF,

Gone to Moscow.
Back Thursday.
Flying Fox

PS Please put bins out
PPS Look after the lucky bear and the lucky chicken
PPPS Step AWAY from the wallchart

'Leaving on a jet plane' By R. Tist

‘Leaving on a jet plane’
By R. Tist

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Away Day

Ca alors!

Ooh la la!

C’est le first semi finale de La Coupe de Monde.

Nous avons wavez au revoir a Boris et La Brexit Bull chien, David Davis mais la football continuez!

I don’t like to jinx things but today could be a corker; two of the best footballing sides in the tournament, both with managers that haven’t always won over their teams or their supporters. Both teams questioned at the beginning of the tournament – a French team that couldn’t fire on all cylinders and a Belgium team that didn’t trust it’s manager. Well it’s worked out alright for them in the end and it feels as though tonight will be like:
Tin Tin v Asterix
Stella V Kronenburg
Poirot v Maigret
Waffles v L’escargots
Ou
Magritte v Degas

Il promisez to be magnifique!
Have un bon soir avec la television.

Franglais Fox

I rattled on earlier this tournament about the beer mats available from Weird World Cup; all in aid of football beyond borders. Well 20 different designs cost a fiver and are well worth it. Four of my favourites below; I think you should spot the incidents to which they refer. And if the picture is the wrong way round, blame the tools not the workman.

www.weirdworldcup.com

www.weirdworldcup.com

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Ca alors!

Perplexed of St Albans

TLF has writers block.

This is the third World Cup I have rambled about, (plus the 2016 Euros) and it has always been easy. There was a standard format – even though I should know better I’d always be slightly cynical but mainly hopeful and then Ingurland would be pants. Generally underwhelming, not very likeable and always leaving early and that was easy to write about.

But this!?Footballing success on the world stage, conducted in an appealing manner. Good grief I don’t know where to start.
Actually the match shirts. You know how they have the venue and the date embroidered under the badge? WHO does that? Does someone do it in the UK and then courier them over? Does the Ingurland backroom team include a couple of experts with a needle? Or when the players are bored with inflatable unicorn racing and playing darts with press do they show off their needlework skills?
Don’t worry that wasn’t my main focus on Satday. My main focus was to WORRY, despite the assurances of the man who owns the dry cleaners, and then to SHOUT a lot at the TV, wave my arms around and pace around the living room. And then at the end of it all collapse in an emotional heap, pausing only to put Three Lions on the CD player.

Mr TLF says I need a lot of space to watch football.

Friday was much easier, although a couple of sad goodbyes; no not Neymar and his tedious writhing (and yes Kylian Mbappe, we did see your little attempt to emulate the Brazilian diver) but two of my favourite stadiums – Nizhny Novgorod, purely for the name and also the Kazam stadium. Partly because that sounds like the magic word from my childhood; shazam! But also because it proved to be where lofty reputations went to fail; with Germany, Argentina and now Brazil all being knocked out there.

Brazil’s media were quite grumpy with their departure and described Belgium’s win as lucky. Apart from thinking that was utter b*llocks, I also thought Brazilian coach Tite’s post-match comments were lovely as he showed how to be dignified in defeat, “I don’t like to talk about luck. It’s an educated manner of putting down people’s skills. They were skilful. They finished well. There was no luck.”

One of the most enjoyable elements of listening to the Radio 5 dynamic duo, Ally Bruce-ball and Chris Sutton was their exploration of Russian idioms. Most apt on Friday was, “The day has gone under the cat’s tail.” For Uruguay’s goalie his day was well and truly under the feline’s appendage when he committed that 61st minute error for France’s second goal.

TLF didn’t get a chance to run her eye over our semi-final opponents. Too tired and emotional for any more football. I don’t suppose my lack of scouting will be a concern for Lord Gareth of Southgate. What will be will be this week and perhaps best leave it to the Bard on these occasions,
“Now all the youth of England are on fire,
And silken dalliance in the wardrobe lies.”

Pavlova Fox

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Perplexed of St Albans

The most important of the unimportant things

Normal service is resumed.

Well not on Thameslink; miracles take longer than a world cup tournament lasts, but at least the football is back.

It’s the quarter finals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So TLF is a leeeetle bit excited, having always wanted to see France play a nation that has 3.44 cows for everyone person in its land mass. OK that’s not the real reason, but it’s a great fact, and France and Uruguay are two of the most impressive teams so far. I’m over Suarez and his deliberate handball against Ghana. Well clearly not totally over it, because it was eight years ago. I have though been impressed with Uruguay and for once I don’t mind who goes through. But if it could be after the 90 minute draw I might have invested some of my hard earned in, that would be very welcome. Cavani is likely to be absent, nursing his tight calf (see previous bovine ratio for the pun factor there), which might give France the upper hand and if Claude Mbappe or Claude MmmmCobbe as we would call him in Lesta, turns on the style, it could be au revoir Uruguay.

Friday evening will be when TLF will be giving the beautiful game 100% attention. Because clearly I will be working VERY HARD Friday afternoon, not paying any attention to the 3pm kick off. While they are wearing golf-inspired football shirts, they don’t have anyone one who rolls around quite like Neymar so I think TLF’s loyalties will be with the land of Poirot and TinTin.

Saturday. OH. Saturday.

TLF will be at the Childwickbury Arts Fair, as committed several months ago. She’ll be with the neighbours and Mr TLF. And my iphone and a set of headphones in the corner of the beer tent. It could be very messy. Oh no, he’s out (BOOMBOOM!)

The boys from Ikea will not be easy opponents. They saw off Holland and Italy to qualify for this tournament and have become a team that is the sum of its parts, rather than a team focussed on a superstar (cf Zlatan). They are tough to break down and I like their football but maybe their ex-players’ baiting of Ingurland, ‘spoilt and overpaid’ players might give us that extra little boost.
Last but not least will be Ros-si-ya against Croatia. Can the host continue to prove their pre-tournament critics, and that is a LOT of critics, wrong or will Modric the little witch overcome?

Four games.
Expect controversy, expect surprises. A bit like my surprise yesterday when I was forced to brave WH Smith’s rip-off prices due to impending dehydration and got a free Torygraph for my pains. Martin O’God writing and some rather nice artwork (see TLF’s possible copyright offence below). Who knew!?

Paint your face.
Hang up your flag.
Cross everything.
But most importantly, make a Moscow Mule. enjoy!
Gorky Park Fox

Tim Vyner's drawing of a mural to Lev Yashin, complete with TLF shadow....

Tim Vyner’s drawing of a mural to Lev Yashin, complete with TLF shadow….

Daily website
I’m not suggesting you buy any of them but nice to see all the World Cup posters in one place. I think 1950 gets my vote.
https://futbolartistnetwork.com/pages/fifa-world-cup-posters

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on The most important of the unimportant things

Nothing to see here

No seriously.
Nada.
Zilch.
Nuffink.

It is the busiest week of the year at work, Thameslink is even more effed than it was yesterday and there wasn’t any football yesterday and there isn’t any tomorrow.

FIN

Grumpy Fox

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Nothing to see here

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy

The minute that Colombian equaliser went in, I hope you can forgive TLF for pretty much immediately starting on a heart rending and doom-laden blog about the dismal inevitability of further failure and four more years of hurt. We have after all been here before.

Thirty minutes later and with penalties on the agenda things weren’t getting any better. The laptop had been abandoned, Mr TLF was refusing to engage any further and TLF had resorted to sitting on the kitchen floor, rocking slightly with only a bear in a mask (see Panama) and Five Live for company, seemed the only thing left to do. And remarkably after over many years, witnessing 5 epic Ingurland penalty failures (I missed the Italia 90 one; at a Rolling Stones gig), there was finally something to celebrate. To be honest it was all a bit much, a mixture of disbelief and relief. The monkey is off the back, Gareth Southgate is redeemed, and Jordan Pickford is a hero. Were there tears? Might have been, but just a few – rationing them for something special/disastrous (delete as applicable).

Of course, the real reason we won is because we were the more gentlemanly side. At least that is what I must assume if we follow Chris Waddle logic: “Colombia don’t deserve anything for the way they have conducted themselves on the pitch.”
I wasn’t aware we were watching the Etiquette Cup, but I think we know what he means. Colombia have some decent players and can play reasonable football so why they had to resort to that level of histrionics and mardiness is beyond me. Laughably their captain Falcao has claimed the ref was biased and it was ‘shameful’ that this happens in the last 16 of the World Cup. I think what is shameful is just under four minutes of remonstrating with the ref over a penalty, two of his team mates scuffing up the penalty spot and one of his coaching staff having a snidey little bump into Raheem Sterling as the teams came off at half time.

And yes, the view from my high horse is lovely thank you very much. I do of course acknowledge that Ingurland players were not as pure as the driven cold stuff last night. My favourite moment in that regard was the laughable idea (thank you Glenn Hoddle) that it was ok when Harry Maguire took a little blatant fall in Columbia’s penalty box, because he got up again very quickly.

Our opponents on Saturday will be Sweden, who beat Switzerland 1-0, in a game that depending on which media outlet you believe was utterly missable, or quite entertaining. I am going to vote for the former on the grounds that I did miss it. Apparently listening to football matches or even having a minimised TV screen on your laptop, is frowned upon in meetings. So much for a forward thinking, agile employer. People don’t score against Sweden often and I could reel off the teams they beat to get to Russia, but I will save it until Friday’s preview where a healthy dose of TLF pessimism will be on display.

There is no football today or tomorrow. For once I’m not complaining; I think my liver, Mr TLF, my bank balance and the nation’s collective nerves are quite pleased.

You have 48 hours to do all those things you’ve been meaning to do… feeding the cat, reading a book, watching something that isn’t sport related, engaging in conversation with your partner, writing that novel you always knew you had in you or perhaps sitting on a Thameslink train going nowhere for more time than is good for anyone. You can probably guess which one was chosen for TLF. Still gave me time to finish this.

Farringdon Fox

Love a sticker album pun

Love a sticker album pun

Website of the day
Missing in Footy Album
254 World Cup players did not make it into the official Panini sticker album. This project invites artists from around the world to fill in the gaps. Clever idea and some great work
http://davewilldesign.com/mifa

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy

Manic Monday (evening)

Crikey. And I thought a day off was meant to be restful. After a slightly subdued Sunday, the tournament was back on form. It’s easy to do, all you need is for the little fancied opponents to go two-nil up with only 21 minutes to go, blend two scoring substitutes, resting on a bed of last minute winner that starts at one end of the pitch at ends at the other, and sprinkle with outcome of a precarious double for the TLFs resting on said wining goal, to ensure an exciting evening in. Poor Japan; a great performance and two excellent goals, they must have thought they were on their way to their first World Cup quarter final and then Martinez’s double substitution does for them. Plus, they lost to a team who look like they are playing in golfing jumpers.

I largely blame Ally McCoist for Belgium’s near departure. He jinxed them in the afternoon by referencing several times, “what a game Brazil/Belgium will be.” As the Russians do apparently say, don’t share the bear’s fur before you shoot it. Poor bears.

ITV yesterday afternoon was a pleasant surprise. They were onto a good thing with TLF anyway – being able give a weekday afternoon game full TLF attention, rather than juggling website and radio 5 monitoring with work is always going to make me a generous TV critic. McCoist has been praised by some for his co-commentary with John Champion during this tournament and I have to say I did enjoy the two of them throwing facts at each other. Be it news that Hector Herrera’s agent is the son of Tony Blair or that Samara was earmarked to be the capital of Russia if Germany had won World War Two, they are certainly on their game and offering a bit more than some of their fellow commentary brethren (of which more later no doubt). Mexico did give Brazil a bit of a scare, although they certainly didn’t Japan them. That first goal with Neymar’s back heel setting up the cross and then him finishing off the move was lovely to watch, although why he has to act like a complete tool with his excess reactions I do not know. Our Lord Martin O’Neill was spot on remarking on Neymar’s apparent low pain threshold that, “I wouldn’t like to see him coming out of the doctor’s surgery after flu injection.”

Come to think of it, I’m starting to favour ITV on the presentation front. It all feels a bit more interesting and a bit less comfortable than Alan, Frank and Rio again. It also has Martin effing Keown on as a summariser, telling me things I have already seen with my own eyes. He did however tell the nation something none of us needed to see or know last night when talking about the temperature in the stadium “I don’t sweat and I’m sweating tonight.”
TOO
MUCH
INFORMATION

In its favour the Beeb gave us everyone’s favourite German last night. Although Mr TLF was suspicious, being pretty sure that Jurgen Klinsmann was actually a member of a boyband. Spandau Ballet or Kraftwerk perhaps (BOOMBOOM!)

Sweden/ Switzerland seems a tough call this afternoon. The Swiss trio in trouble for their little eagle celebrations have been fined not banned which means they could be on their game. But Sven says Sweden will win and when did Sven ever get it wrong?!
Then the last game of the group of sixteen. Even typing about it makes me feel queasy and not just because of my divided loyalties, Ingurland facing my sweepstake team and all. You know how it goes.

* Ingurland have a success rate of 9% when their games are on ITV, as opposed to 72% when on the Beeb. And yes, it is on ITV.
* Ingurland have never lost to Colombia.
* Ingurland haven’t won a knockout game since 2006.
* There are two Colombia players – Falcao and Cuadrado – who were failures in the Premier League so will come back to haunt us.
* Apparently, this isn’t the golden generation it’s the sunshine generation.

The truth is that the game will be decided on the pitch not by lucky omens (lucky shirts are exempt from this Directive), dodgy data or any media hype.
I’ll be the one on the sofa, hiding behind a cushion.

Sputnik Fox

Daily website
https://www.theguardian.com/football/these-football-times/2018/jun/25/football-atlas-illustrated-world-cup
Michael Raisch’s footballers via maps.

Posted in Russia 2018 | Comments Off on Manic Monday (evening)