Et puis il y avait huit.

We have our quarter finalists. Ingurland are not amongst them. Iceland are. And rightly so. You know all the stats about the comparative size of population, the footballing history and the great stories. You know how pants one team was and how brilliant another were. TLF did celebrate when we got Iceland in the group of 16. Unlike some members of the Ingutland coaching staff not because TLF thought it would be easier than Portugal but because TLF cannot think of a team I’d rather watch my team lose to. And for that reason I didn’t repeat the sulking or tears of previous insipid exits. I was cross at the paucity of the performance but I wasn’t entirely surprised. I did shake my head at those fans complaining the fortune that they had “paid to watch this lot.” Well guess what a) no one made you b) you should know better by now and c) I bet you had a good time before and eventually after.

Anyway where was I before Ingurland’s successful attempt to chier dans la colle? Ah yes, the good stuff from Monday which for TLF was Antonio Conte. Sorry I mean Italy v Spain. To start with it was on the Beeb and they had, perhaps as a none too subtle reminder of what we might have kissed au revoir to, a continental panel – Henry, Vialli and Kompany (sounds like a potential chat show). Follically challenged maybe but magnifique in every other respect – urbane, stylish and highly entertaining (oh and all from nations that had qualified for the quarter finals…little did Sir Gary of Lineker know that he wouldn’t be able to tick that box by the end of the evening).

The Italian coach and TLF’s coach of the tournament wouldn’t have been out of place in that little group although his stylish credentials were put at serious risk during the opening minutes of the game against Spain as a spectacular cloudburst forced him to don (see what I did there) a team baseball cap and cagoule. Not his finest sartorial hour.

BTW I should make clear that qualification for TLF’s CoT (coach of the tournament) isn’t of course just down to footballing matters. If it was then clearly Iceland’s Lars Lagerback (the beers are on him!) would be le premier choix. There are other crucial features to consider such as cut of suit, successfully completed moody smouldering looks, rollickings from the ref, passionate goal celebrations (the manic mounting of the dugout roof for Italy’s second being a prime example) and nice eyes. Shallow? Moi? Pfffft.

Nothing about Italy’s performance against Spain was shallow; yes they needed a couple of quality saves from the old master Buffon but this was a team set up to make best use of its strengths, to get some revenge for that 4-0 spanking by Spain in the final of this tournament four years ago and to confirm what the last World Cup hinted at, that for now at least Spain no longer reign. A deep full-bodied Montepulciano waving a cheer ‘Ciao’ at a past its best Rioja.

A biased TLF might dit that an under-rated side playing in blue, proving to be more than the sum of their parts, looking like a team who want to win for each other, having a good 2016 and managed by a slightly manic Italian were peut-etre reminiscent of a certain tem from the East Miglands. But TLF didn’t need to because Vialli got there first.

Ce qu’un homme intelligent!
Foxatouille

Rein de results
Rein de fixtures
Ca alors. Ce n’est pas plus drôle

Manger ou Boire?
The veggies have been neglected….More than just a film
http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetables-recipes/classic-ratatouille/

Sing-along-a-quarter-finalist national anthem – Italy
Fratelli d’Italia,
L’Italia s’è desta;
Dell’elmo di Scipio
S’è cinta la testa.
Dov’è la Vittoria?
Le porga la chioma;
Ché schiava di Roma
Iddio la creò.

Stringiamci a coorte!
Siam pronti alla morte;
Italia chiamò.

At times like this, TLF has no words and only Billy Shakespeare will do:

England, bound in with the triumphant sea,
Whose rocky shore beats back the envious siege
Of wat’ry Neptune, is now bound in with shame.

The fine words written about others today will have to wait until Wednesday; there’s no joy in them right now.

Pepe le Pew Fox (and Ingurland did have a stinker)

Fixtures
All quiet on the western front audjourd’hui

Results
Italy 2 Spain 0
England 1 Iceland 2

Manger ou boire?
While we are in this footballing vacuum, a taste of la mere avec un slow cooker from our hosts
http://www.greatbritishchefs.com/recipes/bouillabaisse-recipe

Sing-along-a-quarter-finalist national anthem – Iceland
Ó, guð vors lands! Ó, land vors guðs,
vér lofum þitt heilaga, heilaga nafn,
úr sólkerfum himnanna hnýta þér krans
þínir herskarar, tímanna safn.
Fyrir þér er einn dagur sem þúsund ár
og þúsund ár dagur, ei meir:
eitt eilífðar smáblóm með titrandi tár,
sem tilbiður guð sinn og deyr.
Íslands þúsund ár,
eitt eilífðar smáblóm með titrandi tár,
sem tilbiður guð sinn og deyr.

Et donc, il arrive.

The ‘business end’ or ‘fin d’affaires’ of the tournament. TV listings provide alternative scheduling, some teams step up, some teams get even more nervous, financial investments are put at risk by the potential for extra time and everyone talks about England and penalties…days before that game even kicks off.

It was a weekend of two halves on the pitch with Sunday’s games much easier on the eye, but at TLF Towers there was a strong element of consistency throughout with a high tempo consumption of saturated fats, sugar and alcohol accompanied by a strong spine of bad puns underpinned by a committed team performance in remote control management.

It was good to have the company of ex-housemate Iain, signed on loan to our sofa from Birmingham for the weekend. Apart from providing a series of assists in the double entendre department (if Mr TLF is going to boast about having a bush in the bedroom, even though he is referring to a TV, he only has himself to blame) he is also very good at managing my expectations when it comes to TV commentators, “You expect too much Brooksie!”

And boy were they on form this weekend. I knew we were in trouble when I saw the Beeb’s line-up for the Poland game: Walker, Murphy, Keown and Jenas. The B team. And so it proved. While I will admit that the game was ca ne casse pas trois pattes a un canard (that’s the French equivalent of nothing to write home about BTW) half-time comments implying that the players are not trying on purpose and ‘just passing it sideways’ do irk me. And no one likes an irked TLF.

Even more irking was the fact that yes Poland (TLS’s first wager of the day) might have won but they waited until penalties to do it. There’s no point in putting the effort in once my 90 minute bet is up chaps.

Enter Wales, all ready to break Irish hearts and get TLF’s investments back on an even keel. Although I didn’t get ahead of myself once Wales took the lead; as Iain pointed out, in a Wales game it’s not over until the male voice choir sings. Our friends on planet television were helping with the general bonhomie by this point (although it might have been the champagne cocktails as well), offering up the fact that a Ramsey cross led to two Welsh players, “both straining to put their nuts on that.”

By the time of the third match the cards were out. TLF was on a carte jeune after excessive and repetitive chanting, “Your defence is terrified, Theo’s on fire.” Normally not a bookable offence, but when the player in question isn’t actually in the tournament you can see the ref’s point of view. Mr TLF meanwhile exhibited ungentlemanly conduct by dissing what are generally agreed to be Croatia’s fine home shirts….while Croatia just dissed yet another TLF bet.

Sunday: cometh the hour, cometh tournament favourites getting into their stride and cometh Mr TLF’s tout-les-oeufs-dans-une-basket-defying wagers. TLF meanwhile was struggling a bit; another traumatic European exit, this time in the form of Slaven Bilic from the ITV panel left us relying on Lee Dixon, Lothar Matthaus and Ian Wright had left TLF bereft and not the usual clinical gambling machine. Financial success meant a bit more interest from Mr TLF and as we pointed out, “You only watch when you’re winning.”

Apart from more TV despair there were more broken Irish hearts, even though that early penalty gave hope and a much more enjoyable game than anything we had seen the day before. A BBC highlights panel reviewing that game included Thierry Henry (infamous handball against Eire back in 2010) – great team selection by the Beeb there. And scripted or not Shearer’s “you’ve got to hand it to the Irish”, fitted right in with the tone Chez TLF.

Germany, against an admittedly disappointing Slovakia looked ominous and Belgium perhaps for the first time looked like a team ranked second in the world. Mr TLF had restored his betting equilibrium and all was well with the world.

Two quarter final places left to decide. Italy face Spain, a strange reward for topping their group methinks. And then there is Ingurland against Iceland, one of the great stories of this tournament. On paper there is surely no contest but let’s look at the stats – zero success for Ingurland when playing in a knockout game in a tournament for the last 10 years. And perhaps even more damning, last time there was a knock out game on the same day as Iain’s birthday, Ingurland got spanked by Germany at the World Cup.

Can they keep cool heads or will they freeze, returning to face a frosty reception back home? Think it might be time to depart. I have a feeling TLF is skating on thin ice.

Here’s to pas de penalties!

TLFerix the Fox

Fixtures
Italy v Spain 5pm
Eng;and v Iceland 8pm

Results
Switzerland 1 Poland 1 (Poland win 5-4 on penalties)
Wales 1 N Ireland 0
Croatia 0 Portugal 1
France 2 Republic of Ireland 1
Germany 3 Slovakia 0
Hungary 0 Belgium 4

Mange ou boire?
We’ve been a bit light on the old pudding front (sure there is a pun in there somewhere) so let’s go with something Italian for today, but with a slightly icy influence to continue a theme. Described as ‘simple but impressive’. Just how I like my football. But not my men.
http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2534656/affogato-al-caff-vanilla-ice-cream-and-coffee

Sing-a-long-a-quarter finalist – The German national anthem
Deutschland, Deutschland über alles
über alles in der Welt
Wenn es steht zun Schutz und Trotze
Brüderlich zusammen hält
Von der Maas bis an die Memel
Von der Etsch bis an den Belt
Deutschland, Deutschland über alles
über alles in der Welt

As you deal with politically seismic developments, the outrage of having to be a 24 hour FFZ (football free zone for the newcomers) and the only welcome bit of current affairs that Jamie Vardy has signed a new contract with Lesta City, there is one thing that will bring you back down to earth. And focus l’espirit.

That’s the fact that you are wearing the same clothes that you have been wearing for the last 24 hours. Quickly backed up by the even more depressing fact that it’s not because you are some bright young thing and were at a Barry Whiter (as les Anglais like to call la fete toute la nuit). But pas que les trains etaient effed. Et le TLF ne pas allez chez TLF?

Emergency accommodation was of course found. And in an attempt to look on le bright side let’s remember that TLF did not miss any football.

Et maintenant the big question of the day is not whether Gareth Bale (or Bale of Glamorgan as one Welsh county has rechristened itself) can stop winding up the English for 90 minutes and concentrate on shoring up his position as tournament top scorer. Nor is it how much money the combined wallets of the TLFs will donate to Jennings the bookmakers this weekend. Or whether France might possibly find the pressure of expectation means they fail against Ireland (I doubt it but it would be amazing if that were to happen – would make defeating Italy look like a training match result).

Non. La grande question is does TLF buy a clean shirt, and then go to work and get a shower? Or get a shower first and then buy la nouveau chemise, as TLF not exactly looking parfait ce matin. Either way there needs to be some thought given to the challenges that lie ahead. For now the focus has to be to get to the end of today unscathed, expending as little energy as possible because there are SIX knockout games to enjoy this weekend. That is six, beer-swigging, take away ordering, gambling opportunities. Ce qui est de ne pas aimer?

Mais Monsieur TLF est pas si sur. As this weekend he won’t just have to put up with TLF football foolery but Iain from Brum arrive a St Albans for plus banter, puns et les entrendres doubles.

Quelle domage pour M. TLF

Fixtures Aujourd’hui
Encore une fois….Zip. Zilch. Nichts

Mais le weekend arrive avec le round de seize…….

Samedi
Switzerland v Poland 2pm
Wales v N Ireland 5pm
Croatia v Portugal8pm

Dimanche
France v Republic of Ireland 2pm
Germany v Slovakia 5pm
Hungary v Belgium 8pm

Manger ou Boire?
Le takeaway, a emporter, wegbringen, porta via beaucoup.

Phrase of the day: French
Mr TLF is going to blow a fuse when he realises that the weekend will be about nothing but football and pizza.
M. TLF va pique rune crise quand il se rend compte qu’il n’y aura rien d’autre que le football et la pizza ce week-end

And that is why nous aimons beaucoup le tournament football.

For the crazed Iceland commentator who may never be able to speak again (and if you haven’t heard it then a) you didn’t have the radio on this morning and b) here’s a link http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36603525

Who knows what he will do if Iceland beat England?

For the tearful Irish goalscorer finding his brother in the crowd. And for the slightly unnerving slight of Roy Keane and Martin O’Neil having a man hug. Only to be interrupted by Italian goalkeeping legend Gianluigi Buffon for a 3 way man hug.

And for the Radio 5 Live commentator saying, “We’ve lost Kevin Kilbane.” I think he meant metaphorically.

BRIILLIANT.

Bought a tear to les yeux de TLF I can tell you. And just proves to all those doubters what a good idea it was to have an expanded tournamenet with some 3rd placed teams qualifying for the knockout stages (ahem).

We now know who is Euroxiting, waving au revoir to 8 teams, after 36 votes cast (well matches played but don’t quibble with my theme). Just one minor fixture today; the build up to which has certainly go on for longer than the expanded tournament. The stakes are high, the result is likely to be tight, the pitches are waterlogged (eh?) and the highlight programme will be very dull. Rio Ferdinand has written in the Evening Standard explaining why he thinks we should remain and if that hasn’t swung it I don’t know what will.

As a famous party leader never said, “Go back to your constituencies and prepare for the last 16. Via the polling booth.”

Gaugin Fox
Feeling a bit avant-garde

Fixtures Aujourd’hui

RIEN. Je connais! Pas de football.
Pfffft!
Monsieur TLF looks like the chat qui avez le crème……

Resultats
Islande 2 Autriche 1
Hungrie 3 Portugal 3
Italie 0 Eire 1
Suede 0 Belgique 1

Manger ou Boire?
A sulky unimaginative slice of toast probably in light of the lack of sporting activity.

Phrase of the day: French
There is no football. I am bored stiff
Il n’y a pas de football. Je faire chier comme un rat mort.

The key factor in ensuring success in a major football tournament is PLANNING.

It occurred to TLF as she as wasn’t (!) watching N Ireland v Germany on the Ipad wedged next to her work computer that le planification is always not TLF’s strong point, with a dinner appointment slap bang in the middle of the second half of that particular game.

Still at least the restaurant was suitably themed. Sadly not in a true footballing way but it was appropriate for the fixture, being called the German Gymnasium. Tres sad was the discovery that not only would I not be able to watch the match but that my dinner would not be bought to me by muscular men working leiderhosen. C’est la vie. Or indeed So ist das Leben as they say in Berlin.

They were probably yelling something a bit more cheerful than that in Northern Ireland last night. Never has a 1-0 defeat been so welcome, with results later ensuring that N Ireland made it through to the last sixteen. A fantastic performance from a small nation (insert any suitable underdog cliché that tu choisir) and particularly goalkeeper, Michael McGovern.

To keep up the bad planning it was then time, having missed the first half, to travel home during the second half of Croatia against Spain. At least there was now Radio 5Live to keep me company, including an apoplectic John Hartson who I can only assume is part-Spanish such was his fury that Spain’s (missed) penalty was taken by a defender not an attacking player. His co-commentator is obviously trained in dealing with these little tantrums and calmed things down with a quiet but meaningful, “Yes I know John. I know.”

TLF did rediscover the art of timing however, in front of a screen just in time to see yet another late winner, the fourteenth of the tournament (FACT!). I am sure Spain were delighted to conceded so they finish second in the group and now have the small bagatelle of Italy in the next round.

Talking of Italy (hey TLFs need to get their segues from somewhere), they are next up for Republic of Ireland. Paws are crossed for a similar outcome to that magnificent victory in the 1994 world cup. Fond memories of watching that on a black and white TV in my mum’s garage as her party pandered to the football fans. Ireland must win. Not because they want to get through to the next round but because we are all so scared of Roy Keane.

Potentially we could be saying goodbye to Zlatan today, unless Sweden can pull off something pretty special against Belgium. Let’s hope that should they go home the fans are a little more measured than the Russian Communist party whose comment on Russia’s early departure was fairly to the point, “The Russian team is soft, we need a Stalinist mobilisation. Mental physical hard strength.”

Crikey.

A word from the le TLF sage. Plan ahead.
Ce sont les derniers jeux de groupe
Fox Delacroix
Just a romantic fox at heart.

Fixtures Aujourd’hui

Islande v Autriche 5pm
Hungrie v Portugal 5pm
Italie v Eire 8pm
Suede v Belgique 8pm

Resultats
Ukraine 0 Pologne 1
Irlande Du Nord 0 Allemagne 1
Croatie 2 Espagne 1
Rep Tcheque 0 Turquie 2

Manger ou Boire?
In honour of Ireland’s game here is a cocktail to terrify the Italians. NOT sure it is one for a skool night.
http://cocktails.about.com/od/whiskeyrecipes/r/Giants-Gate-Cocktail-Recipe.htm

Phrase of the day: Icelandic:
You’re sh1t and you know you are
Þú ert skít og þú veist að þú ert

TLF is nothing if not an honest fox. So I’ll say it now. Very quickly.

IbetonEnglandtodrawevenbeforeweknewHodgsonwouldmake6changes.

So TLF is a better gambler than Roy. And all those grumpy pundits on Radio 5 were right (dammit). And the post-match comment from Hodgson, “Soon we will make someone pay, we will score goals one day,” just sounded a bit like a King Lear type threat in one of his less measured rants at his older daughters, just after he has given some of his kingdom away to Gary Neville (that’s not in the Shakesepare version).

On the plus side, and I never thought I would use that phrase and this next acronym in the same sentence, ITV (!) had expanded their punditry team to five. FIVE! And not even out of the group stages yet. Not sure I was ready for all that intellect in one studio. Clearly there was a risk that Peter Crouch might just knock Bilic off the top intellect and charisma perch but I think Slaven just held on……

The always reliable Glenn Hoddle was co-commentator and as usual didn’t disappoint; hoping that Ingurland “would score in a footballing way. Because that’s what we have on the pitch. Footballers.” I’m so glad he said that as I have been labouring under the misapprehension for some time that Jamie Vardy, was an investment banker, Eric Dier a maths teacher and James Milner a supervisor at B&Q.

Meanwhile Wales were spanking Russia 3-0 and gliding into the final 16 with the sort of joie de vivre you probably don’t see often on a damp afternoon in Pontyberry. They left Lens Stadium heart broken and with Ingurland fans chanting, “We’re top of the group.” A few days later and Wales leave for Paris, top of the group and lying in wait for one of the third placed teams. Their last international tournament was in 1958 and now they are in the last 16. If only this didn’t make Robbie Savage happy I might even be pleased for them.

Quatre games today with a guaranteed trois place dans la last sixteen up for grabs. Spain are already there and must feel confident against a Modric-less Croatia.

Northern Ireland could still make it, just the small matter of the world champions at 5pm. Will Joachim Low use some unfortunate and unhygienic distraction techniques (he used to look so suave before that incident!) to distract a team fresh from victory over Ukraine? Or can another of the less fancied teams keep a striker free Germany at bay?

Mind you I am wisely assured by others more mathematical and less lazy than me that even if N Ireland lose, as long as it is by less than four goals, they will qualify if at least one of the three groups still to finish has a third-placed team with a worse record.

Got that?

D’accord!

Cezanne Fox
So post impressed

Fixtures Aujourd’hui
Ukraine v Pologne 5pm
Irlande Du Nord v Allemagne 5pm
Croatie v Espagne 8pm
Rep Tcheque v Turquie 8pm

Resultats
Russie 0 Le Pays de Galles 3
Slovaquie 0 Angleterre 0

Manger ou Boire?
This is described as a warming winter dish but as June continues to be not exactly tropical why not get your cockles warmed with this soup while watching Spain play Croatia – could prove to be a bit tasty
http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/fish-recipes/spanish-fish-and-chorizo-soup/

Phrase of the day: German
You’re not singing anymore
Sie singen nur, wenn Sie gewinnen

TLF’s coming home as the famous 1996 football anthem didn’t say.

Home to a slightly ailing Mr TLF. Not because his heart is broken due to TLF absence. No he is mal as a result of food poisoning. Prime suspect remains a 6 month out of date Xmas pudding that is an essential part of any man’s Euro 2016 diet apparently.

Before returning to Blighty there was time for a bit of Lille kulture. And a lot of rain. Plenvoir comme une vache qui pisse as the French say.

There was also time in between the galleries, historical buildings and nice meals, time for more football. Italy continue to look ominous – like they all know exactly what they need to do. And so they do it. No more. No less.

Croatia threw away a two goal lead, which seemed to come down to a combination of Modric going off, sheer Czech cussedness and the lost concentration after flares were thrown and fighting broke out between Croatian fans. The Croatians had the decency (and the cynical might say sense bearing in mind their fans’ disciplinary record) to condemn the actions of a stupid minority. A refreshing change from the Russians, whose striker, Smolov has blamed every fan but his own for the problems in Lille. And in further w#nker…sorry hooligan news, it seems that the 20 Russian fans deported after their second game will be back tonight to see their boys play Wales. Seems no one thought to cancel les visas. Oh dear.

More ‘oh dear’ moments came in the shape of Ronaldo’s missed penalty on Satday night. Never had a penalty miss been celebrated so gleefully Chez TLF. Sporting of me? Non pas de tout. But then neither were Ronaldo’s comments after the Iceland game and frankly anyone who opens a museum about THEMSELVES deserves all they get.

Things look a little bleak for Ireland after their spanking by Belgium, although whether that result means Belgium are back on track remains to be seen. Of course the fact that 4 third placed teams make into the next round means, je pense, that there are only two teams at the moment that can’t qualify. Whether you would describe this as exciting or a level of uncertainty and fiendish maths that you don’t want on a rainy day in June is up to you.

One outside bet that could still make it are Albania. Delighted to see them score their first goal in a first major championship and claim a win against Hungary. And nothing to do with TLF’s petite wager on the outcome of that game. The France game didn’t really capture the imagination, the high points probably being a burst match ball and a ridiculous number of Swiss shirts needing replacement as they seemed to shred at the slightest bit of French attention. Whether the kit man has been flogging the official kit off the derriere of un camion and then sending the team out in dodgy replicas from down the market remains to be seen.

Attention turns to Group B tonight. For a game that Ingurland might just want to win (to keep an easy passage through those knockout stages), it does feel like six changes to the starting line up is not one for the nervous viewer. If this is Roy Hodgson trying to prove he is a little bit rock n roll and isn’t risk averse there were other ways to do it. He could have just changed his usual breakfast cereal of choix, conducted a press conference in French or followed Aaaron Ramsey in the hair colour department. But if it works out I don’t think anyone will care…although write off Slovakia at your peril. Loved them against Russia even though slightly suspect on the defensive front. Wales need to rouse themselves after disappointment in Lens and they are surely a superior side to Russia.

So back to Angleterre and back to understanding everything that is said during a match commentary. Mind you after 90 minutes of Pearce and Murphy last night maybe that is not such a good thing.

Oh la la (as the French commentator really did say when a shot went wide in the Croatia game).

Fixtures Aujourd’hui
Russie v Le Pays de Galles 8pm
Slovaquie v Angleterre 8pm

Resultats
Italy 1 Sweden 0
Czech Republic 2 Croatia 2
Spain 3 Turkey 0
Belgium 3 Republic of Ireland 0
Iceland 1 Hungary 1
Portugal 0 Austria 0
Romania 0 Albania 1
Switzerland 0 France 0

Manger ou Boire?
Welsh cakes (a TLF favourite)
http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/32173/traditional-welsh-cakes.aspx?o_is=Hub_TopRecipe_1

Phrase of the day: Slovakia
You’re not fit to referee
Tie nehodí k rozhodcovi

Monet Fox
Very impressionable (BoomBoom!)

Being, to be honest, a bit more of a club than country kind of a TLF, attendance at Ingurland matches has been limited to a handful of friendlies. Jeudi therefore offered up another first, the chance to watch England against Pays de Galles with points (et les locale rights de bragging) at stake.

As many of you will connais, due to Lens being tiny (population of the actual town being about the same size as the capacity of le stade), most of us (and here ‘us’ = Ingurland and Wales cos that is the kind of day it was – L’Equipe I am pretty sure from my ancient O level French seems quite impressed by how the two sets of fans got on) needed to get a train from Lille a Lens. The French word for queue, is ‘queue’. Such a bizarre concept they couldn’t even be ar*ed to rename it. Well I don’t think they have ever seen a queue like it in Lille station. By the looks of it a ‘Made in Britain’ queue, self-organised, fairly well self-policed, snaking around the station forecourt in a massive U shape.

TLF is next through the gate to the quai. Only to be told very nicely by the gun toting gendarme and the cheery railway employee that the train est complet. As in full not just built – keep up troops.

Quelle domage! Mais the footballing Gods, whose powers clearly extend past our sceptred Isle travilled their magic and they let another 10 people on. I think a few SNCF staff should come on an exchange and commute between St Albans and London so TLF can show them a new definition of full.

Lens was not dry. In fact I would go as far to say it was sopping wet. In a booze way that is; il fait beau in all other regards with a loud but not lairy bunch of football fans. TLF was slightly mal a l’estomach but a medicinal burrito and few beers with Malcolm and Louis restored TLF to match-fitness.

Good job as I had to be on my toes with the security lady. My glasses case caused the same consternation as at White Hart Lane but at least the suspicion squishy lump on one trouser pocket caused some light amusement as I revealed the very dangerous lucky bear. The height of tension was reached though when she questioned the slogan on my sweatshirt. She was desperately searching for a superior to refer it to and I was desperately trying to hold onto it. It hadn’t occurred to me that a picture of Don Ranieri with the immortal lines, “We are in Champions League man. dilly ding, dilly dong” might contravene UEFA’s respect rules (a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one). In desperation I explained it was Italian, which got me through. Good job as I was going where the sweatshirt went.

Le jeu? Most of you saw it or have read about it, in a newspaper where you don’t have to consult the dictionary ever cinq words. It wasn’t a classic and thank goodness the Vulcan mind-control tricks of every single England fan in the stadium got through to Roy Hodgson on the substitute front.

Not a classic game but a classic ending, que les inevitable celebrations dans le stade. TLF’s record is 100% for competitive Ingurland games! And L’Equipe is mentioning Leicester during a major championship and at the risk of spell checker having a nervous breakdown:

Anglais reprenant sans Sterling ni Kane, remplaces par Sturridge et Vardy. Et puisque hier tout semblait renvoyer a la Premier League, l’egalisation ne pouvait venir que du buteur de l’equipe championne en titre (Leicester) qui evolualt encore en Cinquieme Division en 2012, et qui avait envisage d’arreter le football un an plus tard tellement il se trouvait mauvals: Jamie Vardy.

After that temps pour encore les beers, more queuing and a cracking meal with TLF braving the local delicacy Potjevleesch (vegetarians need not apply).

Of course it wasn’t all about Ingurland and am delighted to read ce matin of Northern Ireland’s victory over Ukraine, who have as a paper puts it, been ‘prend la porte.’ I’m also trying to work out how cross Paul Pogba is and how cross his nation is with him, I might ask the receptionist to translate….also keen to know what ‘Lewandowski toujours fanny’ means…….

Hoping for a bit of fan park time today, and that big screen had better do justice to the lovely Antonio Conte and also a mooch around the streets of Lille, even though il pleut quite a lot. Have had a great time with the Ingurland fans but would be nice to not hear the streets of this pretty city reverberating to chants of “Please don’t send me home. I just don’t want to go to work. I want to stay here and drink all your beer. Please don’t send me home.”

I know; poetry dans la motion n’est ce pas?

Then it will be home time. Hopefully in time to watch Ireland play Belgium, and my boys Iceland hopefully spank Hongrie. As from Dimanche things start to become clear as the final group games begin and the last seize starts to take shape.

A bientot!

Fixtures aujourd’hui
Italy v Sweden 2pm
Czech Republic v Croatia 5pm
Spain v Turkey 8pm

Et le weekend…….
Belgium v Republic of Ireland 2pm
Iceland v Hungary 5pm
Portugal v Austria 8pm

Et maintenant nous move to the last group games so all games in the same group kick off at the same time. FACT.
Romania v Albania 8pm
Switzerland v France 8pm

Results
England 2 Wales 1
Ukraine 0 Northern Ireland 2
Germany 0 Poland 0

Manger ou Boire?
Something for the weekend? Well actually next week probably as this Swedish tipple needs 2 or 3 days to really properly infuse.
http://www.whats4eats.com/aquavit-recipe

Le website au jour
Now I am sucker for a good dance tune and a football montage but I really cannot feel the love for the tournament’s official anthem.

Fox Pasteur
Cultural (BoomBoom!) Fox

As a novice, it’s all to play for. Does le renard perdue connais what elle is letting herself in for?

As a debutante, it’s slightly unnerving (even with the all powerful lurid pink cagoule dans mes mains), thanks to the whole Marseille nastiness. But if Iceland can do it so can TLF.

And Iceland didn’t have the chance meet up with the tournament pere et fils machine that is Malcolm and Louis. So TLF is quids…sorry Euros in.

And that’s how I find myself in a hotel bar next to Le Stade Metropole Lille, drinking biere (yes the whole alcohol ban is an interesting theory and perhaps I should have protested about this flouting of the rules….but having been in France for deux heures and teetotal to that point, needs must), surrounded by seemingly cheerful Slovaks and Russians. It doesn’t matter where you go – the power of St Albans City FC will see you through.

These guys are veterans of the whole tournament thing and TLF was tres grateful to be in their company. And I imagine Gordon Strachan would have been too. He looked tres bewildered a la gare when I saw him….if he’s a pundit, his TV company is NOT looking after him.

They are also very cheerful. When I last saw them at Clarence Park they didn’t have tickets for the England Wales game….and now they do. A perfect surprise gift from Beth, Louis’s girlfriend. Or GOTY (girlfriend of the year) as I think she should now be known.

Slovakia-Russia wouldn’t be everyone’s choix for their first EVER competitive football international but to be honest it was great. The stadium roof est ferme, my seat is 10 rows from the half way line and eastern european anthems are belted out. C’est ne pas mal! A bit like Slovakia’s goals, the second of which has me high-cinquing the elderly and slightly tearful Slovakia fan sat in front of me.

I still don’t know the Slovakian for
SHOOOOT!
CLEAR IT!
or
PUSH OUUUUUUT!!

But I’m sure I heard it.

One first I didn’t bother with was the 0.5% beer on sale in the stadium. A bargain at €6.50!!!!

I would tell you about the other games. But to be honest the adrenalin, the Heineken and the probably very sensible promise to everyone in Blighty to be careful meant a debuis de nuit pour TLF. But I do remember they weren’t as good as MY game.

More memorable was the West Ham supporting American who was booting the ball around our hotel garden. He missed a few (small goal to be fair), he wasn’t sober, but he was nice and he’d just flown in from JFK.

Fixtures aujourd’hui
England v Wales 2pm
Ukraine v Northern Ireland 5pm
Germany v Poland 8pm

Results
Russia 1 v 2 Slovakia
Romania 1 v 1 Switzerland
France 2 v 0 Albania

Manger ou Boire?
In honour of TLS’s trip to Lens (train strikes, morons and French polis permitting) a local speciality for the carnivores amongst you – Potjevleesch.
http://www.delicioza.com/recipe/Potjevleesch

Le website au jour
Well it’s not the website, it’s more the article, clearly based on Nike’s irony free press release that accompanied the new England shirt…It’s just fookin football kit boys!

https://www.jocksandnerds.com/articles/nike-england-football-kit

Fox of Arc
The Maid of St Albans