“My thoughts and wishes bend again towards France.”

Not sure if Hamlet’s Laertes is booked on the same Eurostar as me but I hope someone has told him there’s an alcohol ban….Mind you even TLF can eschew (BOOM!) a beer at 08.55.

Ah oui. C’est vrai. Le TLF alle en France.

Don’t worry. I’m going to be very careful and I think it likely that my lurid pink cagoule will leave hooligans and over-enthusiastic gendarmes trembling dans le presence of TLF.

Mr TLF has been left with strict instructions to, “leave the wall chart ALONE.” I fear its removal slightly more than him using the wrong pen to fill it in. I don’t want to sound picky but once you start with a pen you have stick with it for the rest of the tournament (NB Roy Hodgson this rule doesn’t apply to your team selection).

In between packing and checking for the 400th fois ‘PassportMoneyTickets’ TLF did manage to catch a bit of that Hungary game. And it should be all about them and their unexpected win, with their 40 year old keeper in his grey joggers. But it’s not. It’s all about Iceland, a country with the population of Lesta, who worked their socks off against Portugal. Portugal are one of TLF’s many sweepstake teams but to be honest, wasn’t cheering them for a second.

In many ways I don’t mind what today’s Russia-Slovakia result brings. I’d just like it to be a nice day out please. It will be interesting to see how Swiss fans react to Shaqiri who possibly due to a minor sulk that he doesn’t wear the captain’s armband has indicated that should he get the call from Kosovo, the country of his birth and now recognised by FIFA, he might just start playing for them instead of Switzerland. Very motivational the night before your second group game je ne pense pas.

We are onto the second set of group games and still not a 0-0 draw…long may it continue.

Ooh. Hang on, before you go……

PassportMoneyTickets.
Phew.

The bare essentials

Fixtures aujourd’hui
Russia v Slovakia 2pm
Romania v Switzerland 5pm
France v Albania 8pm

Results
Austria 0 v Hungary 2
Portugal 1 v Iceland 1

Manger ou Boire?
From Slovakia, something for the vegetarians
http://www.cooks.com/recipe/151c678t/green-bean-soup-with-sour-cream-slovak-recipe.html

Le website au jour
Well in the hope that my Eurostar train will safely deliver the TLS en France I hope to be visiting two of these…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/34809687

Fox Verne
Around a northern bit of France in fewer than 80 days

My boss has a set of coasters in the middle of her meeting table, which everyone ignores and I find it quite pleasing before a meeting to sort of slide them about while still leaving them stacked on top of each other – all asymmetrical like. I can only think that the boss of the set designer for the BBC’s France studio has something similar as surely that’s where that bloody table design came from. More on ITV’s studio table soon…the fun never stops with TLF.

A day of football interrupted by work meant a greater reliance on the BBC Iplayer

The BBC had looked kindly on me and allocated Robbie Savage to the 2pm kick off so contact with him was minimal and as a backdrop to work. I know I always bang on about him, but honestly why is any of my licence fee going towards someone whose insight stretches to, “Johnny Williams; he’s been very very good”? So I missed Spain doing their very best to not beat the Czech Republic…still they got there in the end and added to the glorious stat which is that 6 of the last 9 goals they have scored at Euro Championships have been in the last 10 minutes. FACT!

Blessed with the usual stop start commentary on the train for the early evening kick off as the weak signal comes and goes in a wayward Harry Kane corner kind of away. I’m not having a go at him. SEVEN corners he took all season for Spurs…SEVEN and now he’s England’s first choice corner taker. As the French would not say “Comment le f*uck?”

Anyway sorry back to Ireland and Sweden. A good game for the radio as it happened. Nothing to do with the quality of football and more to do with the striking yellow and green crowd. A full ninety minutes of that would have left me a bit mal a la tete. A great performance from Ireland but must be slightly frustrating to play so well and only draw with a team that had ZERO shots on target (if you didn’t see it and that sounds confusing it was an own goal that gave Sweden a point).

If there is one way I like to spend a tournament evening it’s tucked up in bed with Sir Gary of Lineker, Terry Henry and ooh my goodness who is this? Gianlucca Vialli. Have I died and gone to heaven? (Rio Ferdinand can make the drinks and reminisce about West Ham with Mr TLF). The smoothness of the studio was matched by the smoothness of Italian coach, Conte, who in stereotypical fashion was sharp suited and the epitome of cool. Not so cool perhaps after the bloody nose he received as part of their exuberant goal celebrations. But it was a fantastic goal scored by Giaccherini (pronounced at least by the BBC, as ‘Jackoreenoh), who I had already picked out. Not as a potential goal scoring threat (in my defence Belgium hadn’t spotted that either) but as having the perfect name for a slightly unlucky but spirited hero of a nineteenth century Italian novel. Or maybe that’s just me?

Anyway a really enjoyable game, picked out by many pundits as a potential cracker – it avoided that kiss of death and gave a great example of how a team of not brilliant individual talent can triumph over a collection of assorted talented individuals. Forza Italia! I say (and if that doesn’t mean it’s downhill from now on for the Azurri I don’t know what does).

Today sees the final four teams who have yet to kick a ball in anger make it onto the pitch. The Hapsburg derby might not sound glamorous but as Austria are captained by Lesta’s mighty Fuchs (yes it really is fox in Austrian) my loyalties are on a clear default setting. And then Iceland take on Portugal. The debutants play the dilettante. Won’t surprise you to guess I am sitting on the more northern side of the fence for that one.

Keep up. It’s only Tuesday!!

Fixtures aujourd’hui
Austria v Hungary 5pm
Portugal v Iceland 8pm
Zut alors! Ou est le game de 2pm? Pfffft.

Results
Spain 1 v Czech Republic 0
Republic of Ireland 1 v Sweden 1
Belgium 0 v Italy 2

Manger ou Boire?
Time for something substantial. Step forward Iceland and as the markets are currently full of asparagus something seasonal. Good to know it is suitable for a ‘potluck occasion’…so if your Icelandic neighbours pop round tonight you’ll be fine.
http://www.food.com/recipe/icelandic-asparagus-ham-bake-218179

Le website au jour
A guide to every kit in the tournament. Personally I quite like the Russian pyjama number…..
http://www.fourfourtwo.com/features/ranked-every-kit-euro-2016-which-gets-your-vote#:xC4hUvypvBnIuA

Louis Fox XIV
The Sun Fox

Another tournament, another location and still you could almost write the script.

A jittery performance by the hosts, but they saw out a win thanks to a cracking goal from West Ham boy Dimitri Payet, that had TLF running upstairs to relay the bon news to a sulking Mr TLF whose judgement on the game by then was, “beaucoup de tosh.” Was relieved that my mangling of the Marseillaise earlier that day to a French colleague hadn’t jinxed anything – she tells me that she heard me singing words that she never even knew were in her national anthem…TLF French scholar.

Mr TLF has proved that he hasn’t given enough attention to his pre-tournament build up:
“What are we doing today?””
“Watching football.”
“But there’s not football all day?”
“Well 2pm, 5pm and 8pm.”
“We don’t have to watch all 3 games do we? And where do you think you are going with that blu tac and wallchart?”

TLF feigns a slight problem with her oreilles and buries self in a Euro 2016 guide.

Satday proved to be a financially depressing day as the betting slips of shame pile (a new interactive and bank account draining feature in 2016) grew in a similar way to a Lens slagheap. There was much to admire on the pitch however with Gareth Bale writing his own script only to be overshadowed by Hal Robson-Kanu’s late winner. This game also had probably the best range of hairstyles with Bale’s flowing locks, Ramsey’s peroxide blond and some excellent mohicans from the Slovakians. A little more effort on the tournament cheveux from some other teams would not go amiss. Slovakia, who I think could get out of this group also provided the first comedy name moments. Weiss could certainly have put more effort in – bit of an idle weiss if you ask us (thanks Iain). And I really hoped Mac would get sent off so we could tell him to get his coat (there’s weeks of this yet!).

As for Ingurland? Some lovely football in the first half and still only one point to show for it. We have the two leading strikers from the Prem in that squad – should one be taking the corners and the other one be on the bench? Perhaps now we do have a Plan B. Just the wrong Plan B.

And if that outcome wasn’t depressing enough for your average Ingurland follower we had the 3 days of incidents involving a small proportion of morons from more than one nation (aided and abetted methinks by some less than strategic security work) behaving like utter tw*ts. Some things really don’t change at all and I am not sure what effect the threat of England and Russia being expelled from the tournament will have on these people – no evidence to date that rational thought applies.

Sunday bought some redemption in the form of a TLF treble. TLF’s jig of joy around the living room when Poland scored against Northern Ireland might have seemed a little harsh but pecuniary advantage trumps home loyalty every time.

Talking of Les Iles Britanniques today sees the final member of the British Isles quartet get up and running. Even though he has said some very foolish things lately, Martin O’God still has a lot of TLF goodwill stored up so fingers crossed there. Possibly trickier than dealing with Ibrahimovic will be the challenge of a workday and 3 fixtures. Nothing that an Ipad and set of headphones can’t deal with mes petits. And yes, all those Euro 2016 fixtures in my electronic work calendar? Purely trying to highlight external events which may affect our ability to access key stakeholders.

Whatever you do or don’t manage to sneak a viewing of – enjoy.

Les fixtures aujourd’hui
Spain v Czech Republic 2pm
Republic of Ireland v Sweden 5pm
Belgium v Italy 8pm

Weekend Results
France 2 v Romania 1
Albania 0 v Switzerland 1
Wales 2 v Slovakia 1
England 1 v Russia 1
Turkey 0 v Croatia 1
Poland 1 v Northern Ireland 0
Germany 2 v Ukraine 0

Manger ou Boire?
As Italy make their debut and to keep my fizzy cocktail theme going can I suggest an aperol spritz. Saluti!
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/08/make-your-own-aperol-spritz

Le website au jour
I quite like this. It almost makes up for the Grauniad’s incredibly disappointing wall chart. I know times is hard down at York Way but come on chaps! You left TLF relying on a Murdoch production (NB – never let one’s politics and principles get in the way of a good wall chart).
http://www.theguardian.com/football/ng-interactive/2016/jun/01/euro-2016-the-complete-guide-to-every-squad-and-every-player-in-france

Fox Cousteau
I swim
Therefore I am TLF

Allons enfant de patrie
Le jour de glorie est arrive!

Bonjour ma petite Camemberts.
C’est moi!
C’est le lost fox.
Et bienvenue a la Euro 2016.

“And does that mean un bon temps?” I hear vous dit.

Ah oui.

C’est le temps for the usual smorgasbord of football tournament treats – wall charts, a minor TLF shaped economic boom in the football t-shirt retail industry, an unhealthy interest in Iceland’s defensive record, 95 rule changes (no really), comedy names, despair at various elements of TV coverage and a foolish commitment to ramble for you daily during the whole month of this fascinating footballing feast from France. Shame it’s not in February (BOOMBOOM!).

“A month!” I hear vous dit.

Ah oui.

For the first time the tournament will contain 24 teams, rather than the traditional 16. The traditional 16 that has to date produced sufficient entertainment but clearly insufficient cash as far as those chaps at UEFA are concerned. The group stage will be followed for the first time by a round of 16 and the occasional bit of confusion as us innocents try and work out which three of the third place in the six groups will make it into the next round. And as for how they rank teams at the group stage who finish level on points? Too messy for la tete de TLF.

This expanded tournament could of course give us more upsets and excitement or could just make for a flabby, overlong, money making, momentum-draining exercise with excess jour de repos and rein to blog about.

“Nothing?” J’ecoute you say.

Ah non.

This is a football tournament. En France. Time to dust off my worst puns, my best footballing facts, some good old fashioned English pessimism, excessive Franglais and as many French stereotypes as Le Renard Perdu (LRP) can muster.

“Vous actually going to ecrire anything about the GAMES this weekend?” I hear vous dit.

Ah oui.
Pardon. Je un peu carried away.

We begin with the hosts taking on Romania. I think this may be the first time that a Lesta player has ever had the chance to feature in the opening game of a major tournament and so paws are crossed that N’Golo Kante will start at the heart of a ‘much fancied’ French team. OR if you prefer, a French team ‘affected by injuries, a sex tape row and too great a reliance on artistry not industry.’ They are French FFS! Of course the artistry is tres importante! Quoth a famous piss artiste.

We all gleefully hope for a bit of a shocker with those opening games, but with Romania described as, “an ageing, unremarkable side” by The Times (they speak highly of you guys too), it seems unlikely.

After that fasten your ceinture, as the weekend takes you on a rollercoaster ride of 6 games. This is will not be for the faint –hearted; serious re-fuelling strategies and distraction techniques for those slightly less interested than you in le foot will be required.

We will also see the opening salvo in the traditional battle that is ITV v BBC. TLF’s money is of course on the latter, but ITV have given themselves a fighting chance by jettisoning Adrian Chiles…AND…and I am not sure how to break this to any Neanderthal readers out there…employing a….LADY as a pundit. I know. They’ll be blogging about it next.

Three of the teams from the British Isles will also be in action. Time for TLF to dust off the old Ingurland shirt and prise open the rusty optimism tin. An opening game against an injury prone Russia must give some hope. The one thing I will predict is some TLF teenage styley guffawing when playing against a team managed by Mr Slutsky (look if you want intellect then go to the Guardian website). A Wales victory would certainly spice things up for that second group game on Thursday.

TLF’s SSFAU (soft spot for an underdog) is looking a bit Albanian this weekend. Tournament debutants with a win against Portugal and draw against France in their recent history; I plan to cheer them on. Shame they are playing one of my sweepstake teams. But we all know finances never triumph over footballing romance (cf: TLF bank accounts for many years).

Donc.
Le TLF est GBF (guaranteed Brexit Free)
Le TF est LEF (liberte, equalitie, fraternitie)
Le TLF est Pret.

“Vous est une sandwiche!?” I hear vous dit.

Non!!!
Mon Dieu. Je does the puns around ici.

Le fixture ce soir
France v Romania 8pm

Les fixtures a la weekend
Samedi
Albania V Switzerland 2pm
Wales v Slovakia 5pm
England v Russia 8pm
Dimanche
Turkey v Croatia 2pm
Poland v Northern Ireland 5pm
Germany v Ukraine 8pm

Manger ou Boire?
What would be more fitting than opening the tournament with TLF’s favourite tipple, le soixante quinze.
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/216533/french-75/

Le website au jour
If you despaired at England’s tactics in their last friendly against Portugal – this is for you. Can’t decide if I want to see more of these or not.
http://www.wsc.co.uk/wsc-daily/1211-june-2016/13303-england-s-tactics-with-kane-vardy-and-rooney

Descartes Fox
I think
Therefore I am TLF