And there was me worrying about the possibilities of extra time and penalties on a school night…As I said last night during the 197 seconds between the second and fourth goals…WTF and OMG.

Big Phil Scolari introduced the idea that this Brazil side were 7 steps away from the trophy at the beginning of the tournament. I always thought it sounded a bit like he was embarking on a mini version of AA’s 12 step programme. Now after a bit of a stumble(!) he has sent an entire nation in the direction of rehab.

It was humiliating for Brazil and it was painful to watch (well almost) and finally proved that an average team with two world class players (because let’s face it they probably missed Silva more than Neymar last night) cannot win a tournament on the basis of a tide of emotion and because it might suit every football pundit’s best clichés. Although of course they could fit in clichés of a different kind; the minute it was 2-0 I knew what was coming and the Beeb’s Steve Wilson was happy to oblige, “And Brazil now have a mountain to climb in their own back yard.”

Passionate singing of your national anthem, niggly tactics and overly lachrymose tributes to Neymar counted for nothing last night against an excellent German side who were given licence to run riot. What I particularly liked about the performance was the unselfish nature of the attacking play. There were plenty of times, particularly with the early goals where a German could have justifiably had a shot but instead waited and set up the goal for an even better placed teammate.

It felt a bit like watching a car crash and listening to the commentary on radio or TV didn’t help either. At one point Danny Mills said that he didn’t know what else to say (hooray!) and I really thought he meant it.

This slightly less than nail-biting situation did mean I had time to assess the state of my sticker collection. In pretty good shape, although I am missing the romance of the old school playground, “Got. Got. Got. Got. Not Got!” Sadly it seems that no grown ups are lurking the hallowed halls of the workplace with a bundle of swaps and,as you grow ever nearer to completing the collection, a list of the stickers you still need scribbled on a scratty piece of paper. On the plus side now I am in control of my finances and not reliant on pocket money (or my gran) I can furnish my self with as many packets as I want. Although obviously let me reassure any Mr TLFs reading this that I am only making that bold statement for artistic impression (ahem).

I am also starting to think that the fate of my stickers is inextricably linked to this tournament outcome. On Friday I opened a packet which had 3 shineys therein. Not only is that a rarity, two of them were Brazil and Germany. Who won that night? Indeed they did. It didn’t work with the Saturday games, but only because I didn’t buy any stickers on Friday (See. Frugal. That’s me). On Sunday I did a quick sticker assessment of the remaining semi-finalists. In my sticker album Argentina and Germany head above the rest with 12 players and a shiny each. Brazil and Holland trailing behind miserably with a mere 4 stickers each. Part of me wants this to be meaningful but the orange shirted version of me wants it to be a lot of old nonsense.

Semi-finals are of course squeaky bum time and it seems as if Mr van Persie might be taking this too literally with digestive tract problems that might see him ruled out from tonight’s game. Maybe van Gaal’s tactic for Messi is to get van Persie to cook his pre-match meal? My heart wants Holland but my head says Argentina; and we know now what is written in the cards (stickers)

For you Big Phil ze World Cup is over. The rest of us have that little bit longer. Come on Holland and Argentina, it’s not like you have got anything jaw-dropping or historical to follow.

The Lost Foxensteigher

Yesterday’s Semi-final
Brazil 1 Germany 7 (seven)

Today’s semi final
9pm, Sao Paulo
Argentina v Holland

WorldCup ball of the day“
The FA are trying to encourage football to get back to its grass roots, so later we will have some beach soccer with Greg Dyke.”
BBC Breakfast programme

Phrase of the day – Portugese
Doente como sete papagaios
Sick as seven parrots

Webby Thing of the day – Hadley Freeman at the Panini Sticker factory. It’s not fair she didn’t even like football until Brazil 2014 (yes I am jealous)
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/jun/16/panini-world-cup-sticker-factory-sao-paulo

You can imagine the amount of preparation that teams undergo in advance of the World Cup; fitness work, research on other teams, hours on the best formations, the what colour the team bus should be (ok, skip that one), game plans and tactics. And them comes the game, it only takes
One bad refereeing decision
One mistimed tackle
One fluffed penalty
And
BOOM!
Your World Cup is over
Despair, misery and emptiness are your only friends.

A bit like when you spend an evening crafting the following day’s blog and the next day the document has corrupted and your fine words are lost.

….Well ok, a teensy bit.

For those who are shouting, “just re-write it!”, I am afraid you are not sufficiently au fait with the perversities of TLF’s little brain. I can try, but with every keyboard stroke my inner Robbie Savage is squawking, “well that sentence isn’t as good as the original.”

I hope Mr Scolari and Mr Low have better luck than yours truly. The fourth successive World Cup semi-finals for the Germans and apparently the fans still aren’t happy; but you have the best dressed manager in the tournament! If only England were that “ruthlessly efficient” (cliché copyright of most commentators). There is no time for moping by a Neymar-less Brazil, even though there was time for an always unlikely appeal against Thiago Silva’s second yellow card and his subsequent suspension. Smacking of desperation? We shall see.

The Lost Foxiniho

TODAY’S SEMI FINAL
9pm, Belo Horizonte
Brazil V Germany

Best performance this weekend?

To be honest, it was probably me and my new Flymo. This new line-up, making it’s competition debut, struggled early doors to gain a foothold, but slowly started to boss the park, with slick build up play and cutting edge (BOOM!). By the end; completely dominant.

A key bonus feature of this particular mower is that it has a special cut off switch, which means it just won’t work when there is football on TV. Although to be honest mowing might have been a better alternative to the France-Germany game. I missed the only goal because we were going through a tunnel and grabbed a pricey cab to get home for a second half that was as flat as a French crepe. And they were.

Things livened up for the Brazil game, with a change in tactics, from ‘give it to Neymar’ to ‘give it to Neymar and kick ten bells out of Rodriguez’. Mind you I think I would have preferred several kicks in the shins/body checks etc to a giant locust landing on me after I’d scored a penalty. A pitch invasion of biblical proportions. Proportion was what everyone was right out of with the news that Neymar’s World Cup had ended. It is certainly not how a player of that talent should leave the World Cup, but the accusations aimed at Colombia’s Zuniga have come from the Mount Everest of moral high grounds.

Don’t count Brazil out of it yet though. Scolari has other options and players like David Luiz who aren’t going to give up without a fight. He might look like the estranged brother of side Show Bob, but he runs his legs off and that was some free kick he scored.

The only moment of any excitement in the Belgium game was when Mr TLF piped up, “Mate! Look the ref has got spray paint for the free kicks!” Fifty-nine games in and he’s only just noticed. My work here is clearly NOT done. I couldn’t quite tell whether in the ITV studio Fabio Canavarro’s pained expression was because he couldn’t believe what Mr TLF had said either or because he really didn’t want to listen to Gordon Strachan for a minute longer. Never has a face said so clearly, “please go to the adverts.”

Still could have been worse, he could have been on the day before with Glenn Hoddle, who apart from using every verb in any tense except the right one, chose to respond to every Lee Dixon, “Hames” with a “James.” But then again this is the man who called Algeria, ‘Al-Jazeera’ so anything is possible.

The previously mentioned Flymo is a fetching shade of orange, matching my Holland shirt, which I am delighted to say has made it into the final week. Mind you the way I was chewing at it during the penalty shoot out I am surprised it is still in one piece. The extra time in that match was probably the best 30 mins of football of the weekend and the penalties ensured another substitute story.

The games got a whole load more cagey this weekend and I’ve have heard some of the pundits bemoaning that, but what do they expect? One mistake and you’re on the next plane home, but not before your boo-hooing fizzog has been beamed around the globe. Chris Waddle was one of the worst offenders for this outbreak of grumpiness and so I did love the comment from Alistair Bruce-Ball who during extra time in the Holland game said, “Well at least if it goes to the lottery of penalties we’ve got two experts Chris Waddle and Kevin Kilbane. Miaow!

So the predictable four are left. None are angels and all are flawed. Bring on Tuesday!

Lostolski Fox

WEEKEND RESULTS
France 0 Germany 1
Brazil 2 Colombia 1
Argentina 1 Belgium 0
Holland 0 Costa Rica 0 aet Holland won 4-3 on penalties

Phrase of the day-Spanish
Le no caber para arbitras
You’re not fit to referee

WorldCupballs This week some classic commentary bon with thanks to Private Eye mots
“Cameroon have got all their players inside the penalty spot.” Clarke Carlisle, ITV

Webthingy of the day
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/jul/01/powerful-throat-argentinian-magazine-brazil-favelas-world-cup-2014

And so to what I believe tends to be described as ‘the business end’ of the tournament. Yep the quarter finals are nearly upon us, thus ending the two day tedium that has been a football free zone. As Macduff might have put it,

“O tournament miserable,
With an untitled tyrannical bloody two day break
When shalt thou see thy game days again
Since that truest issue of thy FIFA
By Sepp’s own interdiction stands idle
And does blaspheme the beautiful game?”

Well he would have said that if he hadn’t been busy trying to convince Malcolm to go 4-3-3 against Macbeth Utd…..

To keep the football fiesta spirit alive thus weekend I’m going to cook up some Brazilian stew (Feijoda) and hope that this small domestic effort softens the blow of another two evenings devoted to the beautiful game. I also think, that unlike the Brazilian team, I’ll try not to get too emotional about the whole thing.

As you know my gambling and jinxing skills are almost Neymar-esque these days and so I will be eschewing the bookies this weekend. Rather than financial reward I am hoping for four great games and a reason to still be wearing my Holland shirt(s) into next week. Can Brazil cope with the pressure and stop crying? Can Colombia come up with even better dance moves than they have to date? Will the flu outbreak in the Germany camp mean they catch a cold against France? (BOOMBOOM) And will I spend a lot of time shouting from the living room to wherever Mr TLF is, “Oh my God! You’ve got to come and see this!” (Sometimes that’s about a goalmouth incident and sometimes it’s about Adrian Chiles). Answers to this and more when I’m back on Monday.

Buckle up people, I think it might just be one hell of a weekend.

Lostin van Der Fox

TODAY’S FIXTURES
5pm
France v Germany
9pm
Brazil v Colombia

SATURDAY FIXTURES
5pm
Argentina v Belgium
9pm
Holland v Costa Rica

One final handy bit of advice from Dr Pam
Make them see what they are missing:
“After the footie’s (sic) over, run them a hot bath and massage their shoulders while they relax. This should prick their conscience and remind them to give you a rematch.” I assume she means another game of table football?

Phrase of the day
Just for once I’m going a bit serious on you; I hope you don’t mind. Today’s words come from an article written by Andres Escobar, captain of Colombia at the 1994 World Cup where they were knocked out by an own goal thatl he scored. Everyone was gutted. On his return home he wrote the article for Bogota’s El Tiempe newspaper, in an effort to rally everyone (including himself). Two days later he was murdered.
“Life cannot end here. We have to go on. No matter how difficult we must stand back up. We’ll see each other again soon because life does not end here.”

So that thing about I wrote yesterday, about what I’d do on a night when there was no football. All those domestic tasks….Yeah. Or a bottle of wine with a mate. Who wasn’t really drinking so I had to finish it for appearances sake. OOPS.

But it did give me a chance to review some more highlights from yesterday…NOBODY told me that Sir Gary of Lineker was moving his chair to the other side of the studio. Surely there are rules about a minimum consultation period before they do that kind of thing to us? More traumatic though was Shearer’s shirt. Yes I know I am biased but even if the grand cardigan had been wearing that (which he wouldn’t cos he is too French and too cool) I would have made a fuss. Too shiny, too blue and too ill-fitting.

Talking of ill-fitting (segue alert), is it just me or are those recorded congratulatory/commiserations-but-we-are-all-proud-of-you chats with heads of state ever so slightly toe-curling? I really didn’t need to listen to that incredibly spontaneous (ahem) chat that Barack had with Tim Howard and Clint Dempsey. Fair put me off my toast.

This slight footballing hiatus has given me a moment for reflection. For the first time ever I have been living in the same house as my other half during a World Cup. I can tell you it’s not easy (‘for either party,, says Mr TLF). On Satday he asked me to give him a preview of the Brazil game and he assumed that Fred Neymar was one bloke. This increased interests is to be welcomed though. Early on I could see him shaking his head at the whole shebang and I was preparing to plead the King Lear defence,”Reason not the need” when he was questioning the whole wallchart and sticker book routine. And then he asked if I had started buying a daily paper, as that’s something I normally eschew (BOOM! My first eschew of Brazil 2014). Well, yes. But obviously only for duration of the tournament.

To be fair he has been very tolerant, in a good-humoured, ‘my missus is a bit hatstand and it will all be over on 13 July’ kind of a way. He probably hasn’t worked out that the pre-season friendlies for the mighty Saints start a mere 48 hours after the World Cup finishes. Poor Mr TLF.

Diff to live with Fox (DLF)

Of course We have Dr Pam to rely on so it’s all fine on the relationship front. Today’s gem:
World Cup half-full
“Be a cup half full person and see your partner’s passion as something good they can enjoy. You can reel in their good moods when things go well and try to be sympathetic if things go badly.” Only ‘try’? Dear me Dr Pam.

Phrase of the day – German
Ok. Genug. Holen Sie sich die Fußball wieder ein.
OK. Enough. Get the football back on.

Site of the day – well a page.
A nice assessment of the state of the coloured boots
http://www.theguardian.com/football/shortcuts/2014/jun/30/2014-world-cup-kick-out-colourful-football-boots
and for those of you who are wondering what all the fuss is about…

It weren’t like this in my day, I can tell ee.

Yesterday during a discussion at work I referred to Di Maria as evidence that Argentina are not a one man team. So to undermine that he has a bit of a dodgy game, gives the ball away 50 times but then up he pops and scores the winner. He got there in the end but he did make my punditry and predictions look a bit pants.

A funny game that one, a bit like chess and then a final flurry at the end, which had me having to suppress my natural exuberance to avoid a repeats of my train embarrassment.

What I could have predicted was some Alan Green tedium…Yes Alan we get it. Switzerland are quite good. They are in England’s group for the Euro qualifiers. And so England won’t have it easy. You don’t need to say it every five minutes.

I couldn’t haven’t predicted when I settled down to watch the USA game that my TV would go into meltdown. Possessed by the spirit of Lawrenson or Greene or that American woman I was rude about yesterday? Who knows? But it did lead to a sulk of epic proportions. Eventually the TV did relent as it could tell I could out sulk it. Turned out to be another great 0-0 cake, topped off with extra time drama icing….which I confess I did sleep through. But that is what commuting is for; catching football highlights via my downloads.

Both losing teams exit with their heads held high. The USA in particularly played their socks off and as for Tim Howard – top dollar. Or 15 dollars actually as that is the number of saves he made.

Off the pitch we can’t seem to avoid shenanigans of some description. Now it’s claims of match fixing and Cameroon. Followed by claims that the alleged source of the claim didn’t say what it is claimed he said. Or at least not in the way that might mean it was strong evidence of match-fixing. I think I will leave that one to FIFA; they’re great at dealing EI all that corruption malarkey. HA!

My mate James texted me yesterday and asked me to predict my finalists. Before the competition started I would have been straight back…BOSH…..Argentina v Germany. But by yesterday morning, I was pretty sure it could be anyone. Every team has a weakness (although I think Colombia maybe have the least) and it feels like any of our quarter finalists could on their day make it. And that’s as it should be. Open and exciting. I think my preference would be for a final that no one really talked about before the tournament started. Columbia v Costa Rica maybe.

Quarter-finals already! Where did all that football go? And we now face a whole 48 hours of no live football. What is a Fox to do? Oh. I see. Pay attention to Mr TLF, reintroduce myself to the cooker, mow the lawn and reacquaint myself with the dusty and discarded copies of Runners World and Private Eye that are clogging up Chez TLF. Hmm, I wonder if there are any old MOTD left on SkyPlus? I can fast forward through Savage and Shearer. Marvellous.

Enjoy the break if you can and fear not; I’m not going anywhere.

Bored Fox
YESTERDAYS RESULTS
Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 aet
Belgium 2 USA 1 aet

Dr Pam is at hand again to deal with any impending relationship woes:
Don’t tackle social networking
Having your comments about events like the World Cup ‘liked’ or re-tweeted on social networks gives a real buzz. Instead of saying your partner’s posts are stupid, let them enjoy the moment.

Phrase of the day – French
If this bloody telly doesn’t work, it is going out of the bloody window.
Si ce téléviseur sanglante ne fonctionne pas, il va par la fenêtre sanglante.

Site of the day – interactive shirts. This is a bit geeky and quite addictive. It’s a history of World Cup kits for every team that made it to Brazil 2014. Good chance for a bit of nostalgia. USA 94 was definitely the year for some dodgy old patterns – see Italy, Mexico and Spain. My first ever England shirt is there – Spain 82. The shirt that graced the torso of Keegan and Brooking. It was very shiny and an unhealthy nylon and I loved it!
http://www.theguardian.com/football/ng-interactive/2014/may/30/-sp-world-cup-kits

Can I offer a small piece of advice? NEVER celebrate a goal on a First Capital Connect train when listening to the radio. People will think you are weird. And when you then say out loud to no one in particular, “Oh it was offside,” they will think you are REALLY weird. Mind you, there’s a chance it will guarantee you a double seat to yourself.

As if all this top notch football wasn’t enough for the little fox brain cells to cope with I came home to a man multi-tasking last night. Yep. Mr TLF, a kitchen and two radios – radio 4 for current affairs and middle class credentials and radio 5 cos I had texted him to say the Nigeria game was great. Mind you there is still evidence of a bloke’s sense of timing. You can pretty much guarantee when he leaves the room there will be a goalmouth incident.

Sense of timing seems key in this World Cup, where substitutes have been having a massive impact on matches and after last night Mr Deschamps certainly seems to have more of it than Mr TLF. Thinking about it; is the French coach’s name not a clue as to the likely winner of this entire competition?

Algeria certainly scared the bejeezus (other religious figures are available) out of Germany last night. Another entertaining game but we still had to say goodbye to the Fennec Foxes which also contained Lesta City’s sole representative in the World Cup. Until we buy Messi of course…sorry it’s that multi-tasking I witnessed last night, it has really thrown me.

It is usual for media and politicians to be vocal in their support for a successful national team, particularly when the bandwagon of success is rolling by. It seems though that there is no pleasing some folk, with the right wing columnist, Ann Coulter identifying the growing popularity of football (or soccer) as a sign of moral decay in the the USA. It’s all down to the Hispanics who arrived following Teddy Kennedy’s immigration laws apparently, “I promise you: no American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” What a charmless person you are Ms Coulter. You don’t like the beautiful game and you are a racist to boot. Begone!

I do like an upset, but I don’t really want to see a Messi-less World Cup. Would you say it was ‘tidy’ if Argentina did go out? The dark horses of Belgium (there’s a chocolate pun in there somewhere begging to get out) haven’t convinced as I expected them to, and part of me is willing the USA on just to prolong the irritation of that idiot American woman.

Apparently there is still some dispute over who will actually be handing over the World Cup trophy on 13 July. The President and various Brazilian celebs seem a bit reticent, presumably because no wants to share the ‘honours’ with Mr Blatter (plus if Brazil haven’t won then memories of how much has been spent on potential white elephant stadiums as opposed to infrastructure might just come flooding back). Have you noticed how Mr B seems to have adopted an unusually low profile at this World Cup? Not one to shy away from the limelight at previous competitions, the VIP sections do seem mercifully free of his freeloading, preposterous posterior. Like a global, “Where’s Wally?” Except he really is.

Anyway, the point I had planned before that short ramble so rudely interrupted me, is that I am free on 13 July and have booked the next day off work so very happy to make the ultimate sacrifice, fly over and do the honours. I’ll even travel economy.

Martyr Fox

YESTERDAY’S RESULTS
France 2 v Nigeria 0
Algeria 1 v Germany 2 aet

TODAY’S FIXTURES
5pm
Argentina v Switzerland
9pm
Belgium v United State

Dr Pam’s relationship words of wisdom for the day
It is a game of two halves:
“Suggest compromise activities you both enjoy and slot these into the diary when there aren’t ‘must watch’ matches. If your partner tries wriggling out, remind them how positive you’ve been.”
Is she taking crack!? “aren’t must watch matches.” WTF?

Phrase of the day – Spanish
Então eu sei que disse que eu não fiz isso. E meu empresário e meu presidente disse que eu não fiz isso. Mas na verdade eu fiz. Desculpe. Agora eu posso ir para o Barcelona?
So I know I said I didn’t do it. And my manager and my president said I didn’t do it. But actually I did. Sorry. Now can I go to Barcelona?

Site of the day – one of my favourites so far. Top dollar drawings and humour

World Cup Draw(ings)

Plenty to debate after our weekend dip into the knock out round waters. Forget disallowed goals and almost penalties the most important question from that Brazil game, is who dresses Phil Scolari? If he is such bessie mates with Neymar then could the young sprite, with his unsanctioned underpants not given him some fashion tips? For once Mr TLF joined me for a whole game and he was particularly horrified by the overly tight polo shirt and the really badly cut trousers. I know you have a whole nation’s expectations to manage Phil but there must be a mirror in your hotel room? Use it!

Mr TLF’s presence on the Chez TLF terraces (the sofa) might of course have had something to do with his financial speculation on the outcome of the game. I suppose I should be grateful as I wasn’t sure whether there was going to be any embracing at all of the global fiesta on Saturday morning when my cheery, “its ok, the football is back today,” was greeted with a grunt that translated to, “leave me alone. It is ridiculously early and I know that if you are not reading about football, or sticking stickers in your sticker book, you will be watching football. ALL weekend.”

Of course once we were in the bookies, it seemed rude not to have a small wager, especially when the odds on Chile were so good and Mr TLF had bet on Brazil. Of course any regular reader will know that me betting on a team is generally the kiss of death and so it proved (sorry boys). Although I was sorry to see my stake go up in smoke…no there wasn’t a BBQ (BOOM!) it was still a great match to watch. Chile put up a fantastic challenge with goalkeeper Bravo patrolling his goal brilliantly (I’m not sure if his sister Juliet was there as well -that’s one for the older reader…) and Sanchez frequently unnerved the Brazilian defence. Although not as much as the state of his shorts unnerved me – I really hope that ‘hitch your right leg(?) of your shorts as high up as you can’ look doesn’t catch on. Howard Webb certainly wasn’t unnerved and in some ways it is probably best that Brazil did win, otherwise he would have needed smuggling out of the country. The penalty shoot out was heart-breaking. For once a pundit got it right when Mr Hansen talked about the chasm between joy and despair.

The ITV pundits were certainly getting it wrong yesterday with their on the beach look being even more worrisome than the aforementioned shorts malarkey. The standout disaster was undoubtedly Mr Chiles’s khaki ensemble with the classic shorts n socks crime. Fortunately our attention was diverted from that and his sweaty pits by Martin O’Neill’s slightly apoplectic, hugely entertaining and not unjustified response to the slightly fawning feature on tactical genius Louis van Gaal (copyright Louis van Gaal).

Whatever you or indeed Martin may think about Louis he certainly got his tactics right, with the change in formation and substitutions. And yes you can analyse that Robben fall/dive that won the penalty from 452 different angles but that is still 451 more than the ref has. Even though I don’t have their shirt, I did feel for Mexico though. The sixth time they have missed out on the quarter-finals in the last 6 World Cups. That sucks in 32 different ways.

We saw our first cooling breaks yesterday as temperatures in the stadium went over 38 degrees. It is clear that the coaches did use this for tactical advice, but to hear Glenda Hoddle banging on about how teams have played in hot weather for years was a bit tedious. I think if the fans aren’t taking their seats in an effort to escape the sun then it’s a bit of clue regarding conditions. It’s called PROGRESS Glen.

I’m afraid the two 9pm games were beyond me and so I had to wait for the highlights to see J-Rod’s wonder strike for Colombia. Their game against Brazil should be a cracker. Penalty heart break for Greece – yet another team who were made to rue a spurned last minute opportunity. Still, it is lovely to see that the expected ‘whipping boys’ of Group D have made it to the quarter finals.

Evidence for TLF that heart should never rule head, with only two out of four of my ‘heart predictions’ made it and I’m down to one shirt…well technically two as I have got the home and away colours of Holland. Today sees a bit of an African-European axis going on and to be honest I don’t mind who wins. I’d just like NO penalties because I am not sure the blood pressure can take it.

Robbin’ Fox

WEEKEND RESULTS
Brazil 1 Chile 1 aet Brazil win 3-2 on penalties
Colombia 2 Uruguay 0
Holland 2 Mexico 1
Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 aet Costa Rica win 5-3 on penalties

TODAY’S FIXTURES
5pm
France v Nigeria
9pm
Germany v Algeria

For one week only – Dr Pam
No recipes this week. Instead let’s welcome Dr Pam, self-help expert from The Sun, who has come up with a series of tips to help ensure that your relationship doesn’t suffer during the World Cup. They are, as you can imagine very imaginative and helpful and so I feel duty bound to share:
Try scoring
“If you haven’t had any attention for a long time, take a hot shower, parade in front of your transfixed partner allowing your towel to drop accidentally. You might find the action moves to the bedroom.”

Phrase of the day – Spanish
NóQue solo tenia diez hombres
We only had ten men

Site of the day – I commend to you this blog about football and World War 1..Tres topical
http://thefootballhistoryboys.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/footballers-at-war-world-war-i.html

BOOM!
And so 32 are 16.

Some we are surprised about and some we are not, and that’s the best thing about the World Cup, it never quite goes according to plan. I bet some of them you didn’t predict, and nice to see that the pundits weren’t always bang on either. In terms of the Shirts of Shame, my England, Italy and Honduras (who’d have thought?!) shirts are shuffling onto the equivalent of the plane home for garments – the dirty washing bag. Holland, Greece and my tournament T-shirt march on to fight another day.

If things sound a bit flat today it is because my va-va-voom has upped and left. Yep Le grand cardigan, Terry Henry has left the BBC studio and returned to prepare for the new MLS season. I know we all have more of the tournament to go but this could be the rock bottom moment for me.

At least we do have more tournament to come unlike the charming Mr S…or maybe he will if he appeals. Not a very appealing thought really. You know what Luis, you were caught bang to rights. Suck it up and save us the embarrassment of an appeal.

Talking of appealing, is it just me or does Gordon Strachan have really bad posture? Slumped he was in his ITV chair last night. I appreciate that the game wasn’t great and that Adrian Chiles could have that effect, but surely his core stability can withstand that Black Country twang?

A quick update on my ITV brainwashing, I have realised that actually my singsong rendition of Bra—-siiill has a twist. I have subconsciously made it into a mash up with the BBC nonsense so actual I pootle along singing, “Bra—–siiill LaLaLaLaLa.” I sound like a slightly confused Spice Girl (Fox).

Algeria have made it to their first ever knockout stage and so grumpy Fabio is off. There was some laser pen shenanigans going on, but Russia’s keeper is a bit pants. We can also wave a weepy goodbye to Christiano and his hair products. Never thought I would be so glad to see the USA go through.

It all gets a bit nail-bitey now, and the knockout element may make teams a little more cautious, with a few less goals per game. Although with some of the world-class players on show (you know Fred and people like that) fingers crossed we won’t be disappointed.This weekend my heart says Holland, Chile, Colombia and Greece to go through. Please note I did say heart not head.

Survive tonight’s football void and come back stronger for the weekend games. I’m off to charter a plane load of cash.
TLF

YESTERDAY’S RESULTS
Germany 1 USA 0
Portugal 2 Ghana 1
Algeria 1 Russia 1
Belgium 1 S Korea 0
TODAY’S FIXTURES
None. Zero. Zip. Sweet FA. WTF!?
WEEKENDFIXTURES
Saturday 5pm
Brazil v Chile
9pm
Colombia v Uruguay
Sunday 5pm
Holland v Mexico
9pm Costa Rica v Greece

Dish of the day.
You know what. There’s no game. You’ve got time to consult a recipe book.
Phrase of the day French
Cherie vous avez raison. J’ai monopolise la telecommande pendant trop longtemps. Ce soir, nous allons regardez ce que vous voulez.
Darling you are right. I have monopolised the remote for too long. Tonight let’s watch what you want.

So my lucky, “don’t mention the team you want to qualify is officially a pants idea. Sorry Iran. I know they hadn’t set the tournament alight but it was a gutsy performance against Argentina on Saturday. Plus I was keen to see more of Pooladi, who makes TLF tantrums look like a Morris dance. This is the bloke who threw a hissy after being substituted in a league match and smashed a glass door resulting in an operation to fix the subsequently damaged finger. Way to go, bear of little brain (BOOM!).

Further fallout from Nibblegate as the English press cop for most of the Uruguayan outrage that people are being outraged by Suarez’s outrageous act. I accept that English players have often been the cause of outrage and that some of the pontificating last night was outrageous, but Uruguay’s attempts to justify his actions are, in all honesty……
daft.

Fair play to Lord Gary of Lineker for his suggestion that Suarez’s protestations were him “making a meal of it”. I thought our pundits were nearly arranged by height last night on the Beeb. Waddle on the left sloping downwards via Shearer to the diminutive Juninho. Very tidy, if a little dull.

I was vaguely outraged last night to miss out on the 5pm Argentina game but it was time to knuckle down and admit that there is more to life than football, i.e. the job you do that funds your ability to watch football. The work ‘to do list’ was starting to resemble the likely length of the next Suarez ban and so it was nose to the grindstone and radio 5 Live for company. Sounded like a corker. I credit myself as a fast typist but the space between the first two goals was one moderately long, only slightly rambley (yep I do that at work too) sentence.

I appreciate I am falling into the predictability trap with my grumpiness towards co-commentators and so I will say no more about Jason Roberts and his ramble about Maradona during that game. Well actually, while I’ve got you…No ok, I’ll let it go.

What I can’t let go is ITV’s bloody theme tune..well theme word. As I trudged along the platform at St Albans City station today I found myself repeating in that elongated fashion, “Bras——–il.” Brainwashed I am. Brainwashed. Chiles’ work here is done.

I’m starting to sound grumpy again, which can only segue into that six pack of bonhomie that is Don Fabio, whose Russia team need a win tonight if they are to progress. Which to be honest I hope they don’t on the baiss that, “If there was one man you could guarantee would stand aloof from the general joie de vivre of this World Cup, it was Fabio Capello.” Cheers to the Grauniad’s Jonathan Wilson for that beauty.

I have higher hopes for jollity, excitement and wot not in Group G, with all teams technically still able to progress (yes I know Portugal would need a hatful of goals to sort the goal difference). That should probably ensure a very dull couple of 5pm games. SORRY.

As you know I have my football shirts but I also have my very fine, birthday, World Cup key ring.

Apparently I talk about this A LOT

Purchased from Brazil by my friend Nankunda, and the ball moves. More importantly for the month after it came into my possession, I am told (although I have no recollection and am sure it is all a plot by the English press/FIFA/MI5) by Mr TLF that he heard the story of its provenance and the phrase, “LOOK! The ball moves round,” in excess of five times on consecutive days after drink had been taken. Personally I think he was jostling with me verbally and came away with the photo-shopped impression that I am repetitive and forgetful when tired and emotional. I am just a scapegoat.

As ITV would say….
Lost Fo—–xxx….

RESULTS
Bosnia 3 Iran 1
Nigeria 2 Argentina3
Ecuador 0 France 0
Honduras 0 Switzerland 3

TODAY’S GAMES
5pm
Portugal v Ghana, Grp G
USA v Germany, Grp G
9pm
Algeria v Russia, Grp H
South Korea v Belgium, Grp H

Phrase of the day – Portugese
Ele esbarrou em mim com o ombro
He bumped into me with his shoulder
Dish of the day – Some no nonsense PIE from Russia. Would Fabio approve?
http://www.ruscuisine.com/recipes/appetizers/meat/n–429
Site of the day – It’s a film clip and you do have to watch some match analysis but finally Diego gives his view on being described as a bad luck charm by Argentina’s FA Head.
http://www.torontosun.com/2014/06/22/maradona-flips-bird-after-being-told-hes-argentinas-bad-luck-charm