Never has so much beer been served to so many by so few.
Or something like that.
National League Day, a celebration of semi pro and grassroots football usually guarantees a good crow at Clarence Park. There are no Premier League or Championship games to distract us and generally an offer or two to entice people through the gates. For the 2018 NLD (an unfortunate acronym which risks looking like a new right wing populist movement if you ask me) the Gods were gazing beatifically down on the Mighty Saints; a sunny day and a Roman derby no doubt helped encourage a bumper attendance. Free entry for kids probably helped too and once they are in though you have got to keep them keen. Free fruit, free posters, a well-stocked merchandise emporium and for the thirsty adults accompanying the ankle biters, an outdoor bar, were the order of the day and required all hands to the SBYS pump.
Even Mr TLF graced the fixture with his presence, pressganged into bar service, in a weak moment (he was being plied with free booze to be accurate) and to avoid any last minute matchday nerves, committed via social media by TLF.
His first face was of the nonplussed variety, “I’m surplus to requirements,” he muttered as TLF and Michael efficiently managed the steady trickle of early matchday purchasers of locally sourced ale, Carlsberg and (New!) for this game, red wine.
Mr TLF doesn’t know much about NLD.
By 2.20pm the demand for beverages of the alcoholic kind is constant and none of us are feeling surplus to anything. At various moments it’s not clear which is the bigger cause of bar staff grief – the fast approaching need to change a barrel or the fact that TLF is i/c the money belt. The badinage and beer was flowing well, but TLF’s four times table (£4 a pint) less so, and with the added complication of Carlsberg being £3.50, it was a mathematical horror show.
Kick off passed us by, although the masses in front of our serving area mysteriously part briefly just in time to let TLF get a fine view of St Albans conceding the opening goal. No time to sulk though; there is beer to serve. The second goal TLF knows about because the Bath City fan handing over his cash squeaks with celebratory excitement. I advise him that the price of a pint goes up with every goal, but he doesn’t believe me.
The beer trio are not the only workers. Julie is our unofficial runner – meeting the demand for more plastic glasses, more change (and again more change!) and chilled Carlsberg from the club shop fridge (that’s my kind of club shop – containing a beer fridge). And then we have Barry and Trevor who are dishing out free fruit and posters with a great deal of elan. Occasionally I hear a bit of age-appropriate banter with the kids or witness a high five with some Junior Saints. If that isn’t what NLD is about I don’t know what is. Well apart from the beer of course.
What a lovely pair!
By half time TLF had relinquished money belt responsibility, which is handed over to Michael. TLF can focus on pints; sadly serving not consuming. The beer team are an interesting collection of styles. Mr TLF is the calming, steady midfield general; the fulcrum of beer service according to our shopkeeper (steady on!). He is also generous with his measures. TLF is louder and messier (I know that will surprise you), doesn’t mind if it’s not quite a pint, but isequally focussed. Michael is more your luxury player, the Glen Hoddle of the team, who wants to talk about ‘the ale’ and prioritise a creative experience over the ‘serve ‘em and move on’ TLF approach. The occasional muttering of ‘work harder’ seems to keep it all on track.
Early into the second half and we were down to bottled beer. We no longer cared who ordered what. A production line of bottle opening, pouring and dumping on the ‘bar’ (for which read ‘table’). By 4.15pm it was over. SOLD OUT. Apart from the red wine. But it always takes a while with a new line. TLF finally gets her paws on a pint of Stella, Mr TLF claims his raffle prize and escapes home to put the over on.
The game on the pitch is lost; a disappointing end to non-league day. The beer-merchandise-fruit-poster performance? Top dollar.
Three Brewers Fox
All sold out!
Where the action happened – bar not pitch. Thanks for the photo Ian!
Match Stats
St Albans City 0 Bath City 2
Attendance: 1,432
Snacks consumed: 1 banana (free)
Alcohol consumed: A lot less than we sold
Gambling: an almost there goalden goal and a winning raffle ticket – BOOM!